HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE:
There’s a LOT here, so instead of trying to read everything at once…
I recommend using the table of contents below to skip to the sections you’re most interested in.
And to be clear about a couple things up front, I do love ejaculatory orgasms, AND semen retention has completely transformed my life. You CAN do both.
Through the practice of semen retention I’ve made more money, had better sex, better relationships, increased my confidence, clarified my life purpose, had much more fun in life, became a better musician, and a lot more.
I want the same for you.
But Please Proceed With Caution:
Because if you’re not careful with semen retention, you can hurt yourself.
There’s a LOT of misinformation and dogma surrounding this practice, and there are some key things you need to do if you want to get the true benefits.
So if you’re itching to get started, skip ahead to the how to practice semen retention section of this article. Otherwise, you’ll find the table of contents below.
*NOTE: if there’s any topic you want me to clarify or add to this guide, or if you see any errors, please contact me and let me know. It’s very important to me that I’m giving you the most accurate information and practices possible.
**NOTE 2: This guide is not medical advice. And though I try to cite as many peer-reviewed articles as possible, I am not a licensed medical provider. I am a man who used to struggle with sex & confidence, who spent tens of thousands of dollars studying and working to “fix” my challenges… and after succeeding in my quest, it became my mission to help as many men as possible.
- What is Semen Retention?
- Where Does this Practice Come From?
- Famous Men who Practiced Retention
- How Does it Work? (Key Components)
- Semen Retention VS NoFap
- Semen Retention Benefits (List)
- Semen Retention Timeline of Benefits
- Testosterone & Other Sex Hormones
- Scientific Research on Semen Retention
- How to Practice Semen Retention Successfully
- Semen Retention During Sex
- How Often Should a Man Ejaculate?
- Benefits of Ejaculatory Orgasms
- Tantric Sex & Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms
- Semen Retention in Long Term Relationship (LTR)
- How to Talk About This With Your Lover(s)
- Dangers of Semen Retention (Blue Balls, Prostatitis & Wet Dreams & More…)
- Dry Orgasm vs Retrograde Ejaculation
- Common Critiques
- Where to Go From Here + Resources
What is Semen Retention?
Semen retention is the lifestyle practice of pursuing greatness by building your personal power, fully embracing your sexuality, and creating the life you want through intentional, direct action.
To put it more specifically…
Semen retention is the practice of not ejaculating, then harnessing the buildup of charge that happens from doing so, and THEN using that increased charge as fuel and motivation into action in the world that creates the life you want.
This practice has been passed down through many generations, and today, a select few men have realized the powers of this ancient practice. They seem to excel for reasons most don’t understand…
They experience benefits like improved cognitive function, increased testosterone levels, improved physical health, greater sexual energy, increased motivation, better relationship health, and increased vitality too.
But here’s the thing… Some guys think they can just stop ejaculating and their life will magically improve. It doesn’t work that way, and doing so would be dangerous.
The reality is…
SEMEN RETENTION IS A LIFESTYLE
And it’s about much more than just not ejaculating. Semen retention is ALSO about not metaphorically ejaculating your attention away to things like social media, mainstream news, porn addiction, problematic sexual behavior, and any lifestyle choice that drains your life force.
This lifestyle can help you achieve your goals, create the life and relationships you want, and help you fully experience the pleasures of being alive (and yes, you can have plenty of sex and orgasms too).
And to be clear, there’s much more going on than just sperm retention. How do we know this? Because men with vasectomies still get all the benefits of semen retention too (sperm only makes up about 5% of the total volume of your ejaculate).
The only thing a vasectomy does is cut the cord that would allow sperm to travel from your testicles up into your ejaculatory ducts – where it would merge with your ejaculatory fluid (semen).
IT’S A METHOD TO “HACK” OUR EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY
As a species, we’re designed to procreate. We get hooked by sexual imagery because it’s directly linked to the most important core programming we have as a biological animal (to perpetuate the survival of the species). This desire and getting “hooked” by sexual imagery is normal, and it’s a healthy part of being alive.
We just have to learn to work with this desire, instead of being a slave to it.
To say it again, as men, we are designed to impregnate as many potential mates as possible throughout our lifetime. This biological drive to orgasm actually drives much of our behavior.
But here’s the problem…
If you ejaculate regularly, you are telling your body and evolutionary programming that you are regularly completing your most important mission in life (to procreate). That would mean there’d be ZERO reason for your body to optimize its performance to go out into the world and find a mate. You could just take naps instead.
This means: If you regularly ejaculate multiple times per week, you will never live in a state of peak physiological performance.
And who really wants that…?
IT’S A METHOD TO CREATE & MAINTAIN PEAK PERFORMANCE
If you go 7 days without ejaculating, your body interprets that as you NOT completing your most important mission (to procreate), so it starts to optimize your performance.
How? Your testosterone levels spike 140% after not ejaculating for a week, and most guys experience serious improvements in mental clarity, motivation, vitality and aliveness during this time too.
Testosterone is responsible for sex-seeking behavior. It increases your motivation, clarity, charge, creativity, and desire. Perhaps most importantly, increased testosterone makes effort to meet your goals feel good.
And if we run with the evolutionary theory above…
The “hack” of semen retention happens when you use this increased charge/desire from not ejaculating to create the life you want INSTEAD of ejaculating it away.
This is the basic idea behind sexual energy transmutation.
IT’S SEXUAL ENERGY TRANSMUTATION AS A LIFESTYLE
Sexual energy transmutation (also called “sex transmutation”) is the term used to describe when you intentionally harness and transform your desire for sex INTO directed action in the world to create the life you want (instead of ejaculating your desire away).
This term was brought into the mainstream by Napoleon Hill’s book called “Think and Grow Rich.” In this book Napoleon analyzed the skills and lifestyle habits of some of the most successful men of all time. And…
One thing these highly successful men all had in common was their ability to transmute their sexual desire into fuel they used to create their business and life success.
He called this chapter “The Mystery of Sex Transmutation,” and ideas from this chapter have become very popular in the semen retention and NoFap worlds.
Napoleon didn’t explicitly say to not ejaculate during sex or masturbation, but he does talk about how building your sexual energy and using it with intention (instead of getting consumed by it) is KEY to financial success.
I interpret this to mean that you can still experience all the pleasures and benefits of sex as often as you want, you just have to learn how to either be 100% satisfied with sex without ejaculation, or learn to have orgasms without ejaculation (which we’ll get into later in this article).
Where does Semen Retention Come From?
Semen Retention is a modern twist on ancient wisdom. Variations of this practice are many thousands of years old, emerging from Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), Taoist Sexuality, Ayurvedic Medicine, and Yogic and Tantric lineages as well. Karezza sex (coitus reservatus) practice is another take on semen retention that emerged in the 1800s.
It’s also worth noting that many religions (including Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism and more) focus a great deal of awareness on how to be intentional with one’s sex life. This focus is NOT always healthy, but the focus IS indicative that the power of sexual energy was recognized. We’ll explore this more below…
TANTRIC & YOGIC TRADITIONS
In Tantra & Yoga, there is a lifestyle practice called Brahmacharya, which is sometimes translated as the “right use of energy.” A huge part of this practice is about recognizing the deep power of sexual energy, and harnessing that power to improve all aspects of life.
In some yogic philosophies, the meaning of Brahmacharya was more oriented towards celibacy and/or using sex only for procreation – that way sex wouldn’t “control” the minds of men.
Other yogic philosophies encourage people to practice Brahmacharya by having sex only when deep love is present. That way the sexual life force energy wouldn’t be “wasted” and “lost” without the container of deep love. Ever heard of the Kama Sutra? It’s an ancient Sanskrit text (from India) about sexual practices, eroticism and emotional fulfillment that’s worth looking into.
In these traditions…
Sex, intimacy and sexual energy was seen as something that was VERY important, powerful, and that was deserving of reverence and intentionality.
One of the main ideas of Brahmacharya is to not ejaculate excessively (during sex or otherwise).
Specifically this is done to retain and harness the build up of sexual energy that happens in sex that would have been “lost” through ejaculation (and the energy was referred to as ojas or prana in these traditions).
The idea was that the retained energy could then be used as fuel for greater health, spiritual benefits, improved relationships and greater success in all areas of life.
To be very clear… Brahmacharya is about so much more than just not ejaculating (just like modern semen retention). It’s about not metaphorically ejaculating your life force away through bad decisions and instant gratification in life.
It’s about sexual mastery and discernment AS life mastery.
Practical real life examples:
- It’s about not wasting your time & energy by trying to find someone to have sex with so you can get a sexual release.
- It’s about learning how to have an orgasm without ejaculation when you have sex (or be 100% satisfied in sex without ejaculation), so you can retain your life force energy.
- It’s about knowing how to handle your arousal. For example, what happens internally when you see a sexy woman (or whomever) at the grocery store and feel turned on by them? Instead of seeing them as the source of your arousal, you recognize that the energy you feel is YOURS, and you breathe into that energy, and circulate it internally as a life-giving source of fuel – BEFORE reacting to it. This can be done almost instantaneously once you get the hang of it.
TAOIST SEXUAL SYSTEMS
The practice of semen retention and intentional living is often called the “Tao of Loving,” and it’s similar to the Yogic & Tantric philosophies above, with a few notable differences.
While some Tantric philosophies say you should only ejaculate for procreation, most Taoist philosophies say that you should ejaculate with a certain frequency based on your age (to keep your optimal flow of energy).
For example, it is said in this system that men who are 30 years old should ejaculate only once every 8-10 days. Men who are 40 should ejaculate even less. You can see the full chart in the how often should you ejaculate section below.
This tradition also sees excess ejaculations as unhealthy.
The belief is that with each ejaculation you release some of your vital life force energy that’s called Jing Qi in this tradition (pronounced “jing chee”). Occasional ejaculations are to be celebrated, but excess ejaculations will result in a loss of jing, which will manifest as a loss of spiritual energy, motivation, happiness, physical health, etc…
Instead of the chakra system that Tantric & Yogic traditions use, Taoist Sexuality uses the same energy meridian system that’s used in acupuncture. Taoist Sexuality is where Sexual Qigong comes from, this is where the microcosmic orbit comes from, and if you’ve ever heard of Mantak Chia (the guy who wrote the book The Multiorgasmic Man) then you’ve been exposed to this tradition.
KAREZZA SEX PRACTICE (COITUS RESERVATUS)
Created by Alice Stockhome in the late 1800s, Karezza is a non-spiritual and non-religious sexual practice where the main intention is to have long and slow lovemaking that does not contain peak orgasms. The idea is that this would bring couples closer together, would help with birth control and create greater sexual pleasure and equality for all genders.
Karezza draws on a lot of techniques from Tantric Sex for deeper presence, connection and greater pleasure… just without any of the spiritual lingo or dogma.
It can be an incredibly beautiful way to have sex with your lover.
Here’s what I recommend:
I recommend trying it in a position where you’re face to face with your lover. Where your hearts are connected and you can look into each other’s eyes. Move very, very slowly… and pay close attention to every single millimeter of sensation in your body – AND the connection between the two of you. Do not attempt to personally experience or give an orgasm. Just be present with the sensations, and try to relax into them as deeply as possible.
End the sexual experience by taking at least 10 deep and synchronized breaths together, and then pay attention to the quality of physical, emotional and energetic sensations you feel in the moments and hours after the practice.
NOTE: This can be a very vulnerable experience to share. Many people aren’t ready or able to go this deep with someone… which is why a lot of people default to quick peak orgasmic release… followed by physical separation and returning to “regular life” once release has been achieved.
OTHER RELIGIOUS SOURCES…
Many monks, priests and clergy in various religious traditions take vows of celibacy for the duration of their service. Sometimes these are lifetime vows. This obviously would entail the retaining of semen through abstinence and avoidance of ejaculation.
Why is this done? In some traditions it’s because sex is seen as a sin… as dirty and impure… In other traditions it’s because the carnal desire for sex is seen as a distraction from spiritual growth and ascension. *(I also believe it’s because many people realized that excess ejaculations resulted in a reduced ability to receive spiritual benefits).
Either way, it’s important to note that the behavior of sex was seen as so powerful that it was to be avoided completely for the sake of spiritual practice and growth.
The big problem here is when sexual desire is avoided and pushed down, it can fester and come out in very unhealthy and harmful behaviors. I believe this is why we see so many priests and people in positions of spiritual leadership who sexually abuse their power… because they never learned how to actually work with their sexual energy.
A NOTE ABOUT THE SPIRITUAL SIDE OF SEMEN RETENTION
When you look deep enough into the modern concept of semen retention, you’ll notice there are often spiritual perspectives associated with it. That’s because in the original lifestyle traditions it came from, sex and sexual choices were an integral part of healthy lifestyle cultivation. And… lifestyle cultivation WAS a spiritual practice in and of itself.
That’s one of the beautiful things about the main two ancient traditions semen retention comes from (Taoist Sexuality and Yogic/Tantric Sexuality). The spiritual world IS the physical world. It’s a non-dual spiritual perspective…
For example, in today’s world most people think of spiritual practice as something that’s separate from everyday life. Prayer… meditation… etc… It’s done internally. Most people don’t consider the possibility that how you interact with the cashier at the grocery store can be a spiritual practice. How you tie your shoes, how you deal with the urge to look at porn, and how you cook food for yourself and friends can ALL be spiritual practices. This is what I personally believe.
MY PERSONAL SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
My spiritual practice is to live life with as much authenticity, integrity, presence, compassion and joy for the moment as possible, while I also actively work to make the world a better place.
To me, this is a spiritual practice. No other beliefs about reality, or spiritual figures required. Just right-action in the world. And ultimately, this lifestyle is in line with the actual lived behavior of figures like Jesus Christ and Buddha too. I’m not looking to ascend. I’m looking to live fully and help others live fully too. This article is part of that mission. I truly hope it helps serve your life in some way.
Famous Men who Practiced Semen Retention
Have you ever used an Apple product? If so, you can thank Tantric sex and semen retention for that. Why? Because Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, apparently practiced semen retention to build the Apple brand. In a new book, his ex-girlfriend said that “He [Steve] explained that he didn’t want to climax so he could build ‘power and wealth by conserving one’s vital energies.”
We can also add Nikola Tesla, Gandhi, Freud, Isaac Newton, Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, Mantak Chia, David Deida, Kanye West, Napoleon Hill, and more to the list of men who have practiced some form of semen retention or intentional abstinence.
Here’s a longer list of some really well-known men who have discussed their practice of some form of semen retention:
- Steve Jobs
- Mike Tyson
- Kanye West
- David Deida
- David Hays
- Napoleon Hill
- Nikola Tesla
- Mantak Chia
- Al Pacino
- Leonardo Da Vinci
- Isaac Newton
- Dalai Llama
- Muhammad Ali
Many of these men didn’t call it semen retention, but they did talk about how they intentionally “abstained” from sex or ejaculation. And to be clear, I’m not saying these men are perfect examples of masculinity. I’m just saying that you’ve been impacted by this practice (semen retention and/or intentional abstinence) whether you know it or not.
Semen Retention is even making its way into pop culture too. In a recent interview with the hip hop artist Joey Badass, on the topic of ejaculation he says “It’s gonna sound crazy, but I’d rather preserve my life force.”
How Does It Work? (Plus Key Components)
By choosing to not ejaculate for an extended period of time, we avoid the “rest and relax” process that would have been brought on by the hormonal and neurochemical release catalyzed by ejaculatory orgasm.
Instead, when you don’t ejaculate for multiple days, your body will start to optimize itself to going out into the world and find a mate to procreate with (think back to “hacking evolution” part of the “What is Semen Retention” section of this article).
It’s not just the retaining of sperm that makes semen retention work. Otherwise, men with vasectomies should be full on superheroes by now. Remember that a vasectomy only stops sperm from being emitted during ejaculation, and sperm only makes up about 5% of the total volume of semen.
So it must be about the mechanical process of ejaculation, and then the biological, hormonal and neurochemical processes catalyzed by the physical act of ejaculation.
(You can still have orgasms without ejaculating and benefit from semen retention).
Willpower and self-control are muscles that get stronger the more you exercise them. There are infinite distractions and problematic temptations in this world… and most men never reach their full potential because they waste their life away on instant gratification.
When we practice semen retention, we are choosing long-term success over short term gratification.
And the more we do this, the more we increase the strength and capability of our brains and minds. This isn’t the sort of thing that can be fully understood before you actually experience it for yourself… but it can feel kind of like stepping outside of the Matrix so to speak. It’ll change the way you think about life, love, business, money, pleasure, sex and relationships – for the better.
IF you do this practice well…
And we’ll talk in-depth about how to do that later in this article, but for now let’s look at three necessary components of a healthy semen retention practice.
KEY COMPONENTS NEEDED TO BE SUCCESSFUL
1 – HAVE A CLEAR ACTION PLAN, MISSION & PURPOSE
If you’re going to practice semen retention, you need to have some life goal, mission or purpose that you can orient your action towards. This is your “WHY” for living. Some examples could be:
- To create the business you’ve always wanted
- To be the best musician you can be
- To be the best father you can be
- To create the most inspiring art possible
You need something important to direct your increased levels of charge into.
You can have multiple missions, and it’s okay for your purpose or mission to evolve over time… But if you don’t have a specific mission or project to funnel your increased lifeforce into, this practice will ultimately end up burning you. Remember that most guys let this charge go through ejaculation… In the lifestyle of integrative semen retention, we choose a different path.
This is very important. Your mindset will make or break your experience.
2 – UNDERSTAND SEXUAL ENERGY TRANSMUTATION
This is the process of turning the increased sexual charge during semen retention into fuel that you can use to power any area of your life. Transmutation comes in many forms, and you’ve probably done it many times in your life without even being aware of it.
Example: Have you ever seen someone you thought was attractive, and from that day forward you improved things about yourself to be more likely to “get” them? That is a form of sexual energy transmutation. You noticed the desire for this person, and instead of eating shit food and staying up late, you went to the gym and improved your life.
To learn how to do this, check out my article & podcast about how I used sexual energy transmutation to make more money.
As a side note, you should want to improve your life for YOU, and not to impress anyone you’re attracted to. That’s a different story for a different article though.
One of the best ways to transmute your sexual energy is to do the following:
3 – REGULARLY DO EMBODIED, SOMATIC PRACTICES
If you’re going to build up your sexual charge, you have to regularly do body-based (somatic) practices like yoga and qigong to be able to transmute this build up of sexual energy. By regularly, I mean almost daily.
A somatic practice in this context means intentionally focusing on your internal state and sexual energy integration WHILE you do intentional physical movement.
This could be yoga, qigong, dance, intentional exercise, and even pilates (IF you do it with the right awareness and mindset). And FYI – any man who signs up for my Free 7-Day Semen Retention Challenge gets my 15-minute Sexual Qigong sequence. It’s a powerful practice you can do every day.
Combining awareness with intention and physical action is key!
Otherwise you’re just doing physical exercise (which is great), but the impact won’t be as useful.
4 – TRY A MIX OF LONGER AND SHORTER PRACTICES
You don’t have to do a 90-minute yoga practice every day, but do SOMETHING every day to regularly orient your system to the lifestyle of harnessing your increased levels of charge. You could do a 5-minute yoga practice 3 times throughout the day.
You could also do a deep breathing practice throughout your day too, focusing on integrating your sexual charge with your breath at the grocery store, in your car, in your office, and anywhere you want.
Remember that the systems where this practice comes from see awareness and intention as forces of nature in the universe that can directly affect energy flow.
These kinds of somatic practices work because they combine intentional movement, deep internal awareness (interoception) of what’s happening in your body, and INTENTION to integrate and harness your increased charge. This is crucial for success when you’re practicing semen retention.
Semen Retention VS NoFap
NoFap refers to an online community and movement of men who are working to reclaim healthy sexuality by avoiding porn and avoiding unhealthy habits of masturbation and excess ejaculations. “NoFap” means not masturbating, and there’s a lot of community support out there for men who want to do this (there’s also a LOT of misinformation out there too, so be intentional about where you get your info).
Specifically, “fapping” refers to the sound your hand makes when it goes up and down on your penis over and over again during masturbation. Fap fap fap fap… Yeah… Kind of hilarious.
When a man is “doing” Nofap, it generally means he’s choosing to go an extended period of time without looking at porn, without masturbating, without pursuing new sexual connections or even without having sex at all. This is done specifically to give his sexual response system a chance to reset – so he can come back to his own internal power.
When a man does NoFap, he essentially says NO to all things sexual for a period of time, to focus on things that are more useful.
This practice can be VERY useful – especially for men who are suffering from any addictive qualities related to porn, sex and/or masturbation.
THE PROBLEM WITH NOFAP
The problem with NoFap comes when men want to start engaging sexually again. Because these men have totally pushed sex to the side (with good reason), they haven’t done any work to learn how to work with sexual energy and arousal. They haven’t created a healthy, powerful sexuality… They’ve just taken a break from a distracting stimulus.
When the break is over, all sorts of problems and sexual dysfunction can come back… With new problems too like premature ejaculation and/or erectile dysfunction because of sexual anxiety.
THE SOLUTION: INTEGRATIVE SEMEN RETENTION
Integrative semen retention is fundamentally different from NoFap, in that this kind of semen retention is a pleasure-inclusive, sex-positive lifestyle practice. This practice views sexual activity and sexual energy as powerfully generative forces that should be celebrated, treated with intentionality, and integrated into your entire life.
Semen retention says:
“YES! Have sex, fully enjoy it, let it inspire you, let it open your heart, align yourself with it and let FUEL the creation of your ideal life.”
A healthy semen retention practice involves the creation of new sexual and lifestyle habits that allow you to grow through any previous sexual challenges with confidence and power. This is a lifestyle practice that supports your highest life vision.
*NOTE: For some people, semen retention simply means the practice of not ejaculating. For me, and for the ancient traditions this comes from, not ejaculating is only ONE part of the entire lifestyle of integrative semen retention. Everything in this article stems from the perspective that semen retention is an integrative lifestyle that incorporates many practices (including sexual practice) to support you creating and living your best life.
Semen Retention Benefits
The benefits of semen retention are real, and they are many. You won’t gain superpowers, but through this practice you can gain a major edge in life that will help you succeed where others won’t.
Here’s a quick list of benefits:
- Increased mental clarity
- Increased vitality
- Increased confidence
- Increased testosterone levels
- Improved sex life with your partner(s)
- More intense orgasms
- Your creativity will increase
- Your life purpose will become more clear
- Women will find you more attractive (all genders actually)
- People will be drawn to you to collaborate on business & creative projects
- You’ll feel more powerful and alive than possibly ever before
- Reduced erectile dysfunction
- Reduced brain fog
- Increased connection & charge in your sexual relationship
- Perhaps most importantly, “putting in the work” to create the life you want will start to feel good and inherently rewarding (instead of feeling like work)
THE TWO CATEGORIES OF BENEFITS:
It’s important to note that there are two main categories of internal benefits you can get from semen retention, and everything else happens as a result of these internal benefits. For example, you’ll become more attractive NOT because there’s more semen in your testicles, but because of all the behaviors and lifestyle changes you make from this new place of increased charge and life force.
The first category of benefits is physiological: things like increased testosterone levels and other hormonal, neurochemical and body-based changes. The second category is psychological: things like willpower, sexual self-control, self-love, and clarified life purpose.
1 – BIOLOGICAL & PHYSIOLOGICAL BENEFITS
These plateau after a certain amount of time – they don’t keep increasing forever. For example, testosterone levels increase 7 days after ejaculation, and they stay sustained until at least 21 days after ejaculation. But t levels do NOT keep increasing as time goes on. Men do NOT have insanely high t levels after 100 days without ejaculating. I generally don’t recommend that men go longer than 30 days without ejaculating.
2 – PSYCHOLOGICAL & MENTAL BENEFITS
These include things like increased willpower, increased self-control, improved clarity of mind, greater self-acceptance, greater self-love, improved sexual health, improved relationship health, greater confidence & more. These things improve during integrative semen retention because you consistently prioritize your health, life vision and happiness over instant gratification and distraction.
Arguably these benefits can keep increasing over extended periods of time. Imagine if you watched porn almost every day for 4 years… It would take longer than 30 days to bring your sexual response system back to normal…
It’s important to note that many of these benefits actually happen because of other reasons besides avoiding ejaculation.
And that’s why semen retention is an integrative lifestyle practice.
So the benefits of not looking at porn could continue to improve your life for 60 days, to 90 days, to even 6 months or more without porn. That doesn’t mean you should avoid ejaculation during this time though…
Ejaculation can be a very healthy thing to do – as long as you do it in line with your Ideal Ejaculation Frequency.
To say it again – while stopping a porn habit doesn’t directly mean semen retention is happening, it IS an important part of an INTEGRATIVE semen retention practice. Watching porn metaphorically “ejaculates” your attention away… It’s better to retain your attention and use it for more meaningful projects.
ALL OTHER BENEFITS HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF THESE TWO CATEGORIES
The reason you become more attractive on semen retention is because of all the positive lifestyle choices and actions you take while retaining.
It’s NOT just because you haven’t ejaculated. There are plenty of guys out there who just sit on their ass and don’t ejaculate for extended periods of time. These guys aren’t more attractive because they’re not ejaculating…
SIDE NOTE: You could argue that semen retention affects your pheromones too, and that would make you more attractive to potential partners… But I’m here to say this doesn’t matter at all. YOU SHOULD NOT RELY ON PHEROMONES TO BE MORE ATTRACTIVE. By the time a potential partner is close enough to smell you, you’ve already missed at least 20 other cues and non-verbal communication opportunities to build and convey interest.
HERE’S THE MOST IMPORTANT BENEFIT:
The most important benefit you’ll get from practicing integrative semen retention is that it’ll help you live the best life you can possibly live. It’s as simple as that. The traditions that modern semen retention came from all saw this practice as crucial IF you wanted to thrive in life… and I agree.
When you prioritize yourself in this way, focus on longer-term success over instant gratification, and cultivate your life force energy, you’re putting yourself ahead of 99% of other humans on this planet. That sentence right there should be enough to make you at least want to try this practice.
REAL LIFE EXAMPLES OF BENEFITS IN ACTION
Let’s say that for the next four days I ejaculate every day. On the 5th day, I COULD go out and do manual labor, or any job that doesn’t require much ingenuity or mental clarity. I could be “successful” doing that job, but I’d be missing a certain spark of aliveness.
In contrast, if on that 5th day I had to give an important presentation, think critically to solve serious issues, or lead a team of employees through a growthful experience, there’d be a certain “inspiration” or “zest” that would be missing from my voice. My ability to think creatively or to inspire would be diminished, and people would feel this.
The experience would almost certainly would have been MORE powerful if I had retained for at least a few days before hand – AND also did practices to build my life force energy before the big day.
The reality is that most people these days eat massive amounts of sugar, drink way too much caffeine, eat shitty candy, eat fast food, watch porn, ejaculate too often, and do anything to keep our bodies & minds stimulated… It’s an empty stimulation though that ultimately leaves most people feeling empty.
Remember the “Mystery of Sex Transmutation” chapter from “Think and Grow Rich.” This is extra edge is exactly what he was talking about. Retaining your semen (in the integrative lifestyle way I’m talking about here) gives you an EDGE that you wouldn’t otherwise have.
GOING DEEPER WITH BENEFITS…
IMPROVED SEXUAL DESIRE IN LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP
If you’re in a long-term relationship, eventually something called the Coolidge Effect will happen. That’s a term used to describe what happens when the honeymoon phase of a relationship wears off, and the sexual attraction decreases.
Simply put, the more you ejaculate with a partner, the less sexually interested you will be in them over the long term.
If you start being intentional with the frequency of your ejaculatory orgasms in your relationship, you’ll probably find that your sexual attraction for your partner will increase too. This can be a great way to keep the charge alive.
IMPROVED RELATIONSHIP HEALTH & TRUST
If you learn to control your ejaculatory response so you can last as long as you want in bed, and you ALSO learn how to be completely fulfilled by having sex without ejaculating, the relational benefits you can experience are massive and beautiful.
Most people are used to sex ending when the man ejaculates. Songs, movies, women and all of society make jokes about this… Underneath these jokes is often a subtle layer of mistrust. Lots of people don’t trust a man to control his ejaculation. Lots of people feel pressure to make the man ejaculate.
There is an overall hyperfocus and centralization on the man’s ejaculation in sex… and if you change this… if you demonstrate to your partner that your ejaculation isn’t the most important part of sex… a new level of trust and connection can build between the two of you. Don’t believe me? Listen to the podcast my girlfriend Naema and I recorded about semen retention in long term relationships.
INCREASED TESTOSTERONE LEVELS
A 2002 study took a look at the relationship between ejaculation, or lack thereof, and serum testosterone levels in men. What they found was really incredible – between days 2 and 5 of abstaining, T levels stayed about the same. But on the 7th day, they peaked at 145.7% greater than baseline levels.
Imagine using this knowledge to your advantage by ejaculating 7 days before an important event that you know you want to be “ON” for. Pretty cool awareness to have.
Also, these increased testosterone levels have been shown to last at least up to 21 days after a man’s most recent ejaculatory orgasm.
But testosterone isn’t everything…
Healthy levels of sexual arousal in men are dependent on adequate amounts of both testosterone and estrogen. That’s right… you need both.
AND if you have high levels of testosterone, but you also have high levels of cortisol (from too much stress), those high levels of cortisol completely counteract any of the potential benefits you’d get from having high T levels.
We’ll explore this more in-depth in the testosterone section of this article.
IMPROVED SPERM QUALITY & SPERM CONCENTRATION (TO A POINT)
More research! Published in 2017, so quite a bit more recently, this review took a look at all the literature we have on semen retention currently to figure out if it’s actually beneficial. And it does seem that a short abstinence period – normally around 3 days – is actually best for improved sperm quality and sperm concentration.
That’s why if you’re donating sperm or going in for a sperm analysis test, the doctors ask you to abstain for a few days before you ejaculate into their collection cup – so your sperm levels are at their most optimum.
NOTE: Sperm quality and concentration only need to be a priority if you’re trying to procreate. Otherwise, there are no known physiological benefits of having the quality of your sperm enhanced.
For clarity, beyond 7 days, research shows that the health and quality of your stored sperm starts to decline (because non-ejaculated sperm have a short shelf-life).
That’s why fertility experts say that if you’re trying to get pregnant and you haven’t ejaculated in a while, it’s useful to ejaculate once (outside of your partner) to get your “juices flowing again,” and then ejaculate inside your partner 2-7 days after your most recent ejaculation.
What happens to sperm if you don’t ejaculate?
If you don’t ejaculate over time, your sperm slowly dies and gets reabsorbed into your body. This process is natural and healthy, and it’s not a problem because you produce millions of new sperm each day.
Your body is constantly creating new sperm through a process called spermatogenesis, at the rate of several million per day. You don’t have to worry about running out. I promise.
Timeline of Benefits
The timeline of benefits outlined below is a generalized structure for people who are newer to the practice of semen retention. I’ve based them on my experiences with going 30 days without ejaculating. This timeline will look different for everyone, so instead of taking it as dogma, please use the timeline as a guide of awareness for some things you MIGHT experience on the journey.
And please remember that in order to get the benefits of semen retention, you MUST do practices to integrate and transmute the buildup of sexual charge. If you don’t treat this as an integrative lifestyle practice, and don’t do transmutation practices, you could hurt yourself and reduce the amount of success you’ll be able to experience in life.
Days 1-3 After Ejaculation…
This is the extended refractory period, and there aren’t many benefits that show up here. In this phase, your body is still in the “I’ve succeeded in perpetuating the species” post-ejaculatory mode of resting and relaxing. (Some people call this phase the ejaculation hangover).
Days 4-6: Improvements Begin…
Many men start to feel improvements in mental clarity, motivation and zest for life here. You might notice yourself standing taller, speaking more easefully and/or feeling more confident during these days.
Day 7: Big Improvements Occur…
You’ll probably feel more vital and powerful as a man. You might have more clarity about your life purpose (or at least your purpose for the next week), and you’ll probably be less distracted by porn and mindless ejaculations. This is the point where research shows a spike in testosterone levels.
You could say these improvements are from the power of semen retention, but at the 7 day mark, it feels more accurate to say that these “improvements” are actually a return to a baseline levels of natural performance. (And yes I believe that most men in society today are underperforming and NOT reaching their full potential.
After Not Ejaculating for 7 Days (Mental Clarity Benefits Data)
The charts below show before and after results for self-reported levels of mental clarity men who went through my Semen Retention Foundations course (a 7-day introductory course to Integrative Semen Retention):
That is a MASSIVE improvement in mental clarity after just 7 days of doing this practice.
Obviously this isn’t a peer reviewed study, but I DID study research methodology and statistics in my undergraduate degree, and I designed this internal research to be as legit as possible. It’s my hope to one day contribute to peer reviewed studies on this topic.
Days 8-11: Big Improvements & Challenges
If you’re new to semen retention, this is the part of the journey where you’ll probably say “whoa” for the first time. You’ll feel more charge in your body, and because of this it becomes even more important to do embodiment & somatic practices to integrate this charge.
If you don’t, this increased charge will create big challenges for you. Lots of guys struggle with their desire to look at porn during this time. And simultaneously, if you’re doing the proper practices, lots of guys experience massive improvements in their mental clarity and overall feelings of aliveness and vitality.
Days 12-15: Everything Intensifies
During this phase it can be helpful to do intensive exercise every single day. Cardio, intensive weight training, basketball for 2 hours, etc… Otherwise it can get to be too much.
Remember to take deep breaths these days (and every day), and remember to keep your pelvic floor muscles relaxed too. There’s usually a peak of effort required around this time, and if you can make it through these days, you’re in for some big wins.
Days 16-20: Increased Wins & Reduced Pressure
If you’re doing your practices, the pressurized impulse to ejaculate will often fade during this time. The increased charge, clarity and awareness can begin to anchor itself into your body (instead of feeling like a frenetic build up that you’re struggling to control).
After Not Ejaculating for 21 Days (Clarity of Life Purpose Benefits Data):
The tables below show before and after data from men who went through my 21-day Semen Retention Mastery course about how clear they felt on their life purpose:
That is a HUGE increase in clarity of life purpose.
And I experienced this for myself too the first time I did an extended period of integrative semen retention. It fundamentally changed the direction and quality of my life, and that’s why I created this course – to help any man who wants to do the same.
Okay back to the timeline of benefits…
Days 21-30: Enjoying the Benefits
Many men in this phase feel as if they’re golden. They get to coast and ride the current of the work that they’ve put in to get to this point. The pressure has been equalized, the charge has been integrated, and you’re not operating at a new and improved baseline of optimized performance.
Watch this for a Full Description:
Beyond 30 Days…
SOME men continue to experience benefits beyond 30 days, but I don’t recommend long-term semen retention because it doesn’t end well for MOST men.
Most men start to experience things like hypersexualization, stagnation, pelvic pain, toxic ejaculation shame, malaise and other “symptoms” of the dangers of this practice – which many call “semen retention flatline.”
I believe the trick to finding success with semen retention is to determine your Ideal Ejaculation Frequency, and then live an Integrative Semen Retention Lifestyle that supports ejaculation AND intentionality.
Testosterone & Other Sex Hormones
Lots of guys come to semen retention for a method to increase their testosterone levels. It’s true that abstaining from ejaculation increases testosterone, but there are some other very important truths to this equation. Why? Because nothing works in isolation in our bodies…
For example, when a man ejaculates, his body releases a cocktail of hormones including norepinephrine, oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and prolactin. All of these hormones massively impact the function of many different areas of the brain and body.
Interestingly, testosterone levels don’t appear to be immediately impacted by ejaculation (in the minutes or hours immediately post-ejaculation)… But the hormones listed above DO impact the availability and absorption of testosterone in our bodies. And the sex act itself DOES increase testosterone. Even getting a lapdance at a strip club can boost your testosterone.
Also, after 7 days without ejaculation, testosterone levels do increase a large amount (145.7%).
Increased levels have been shown in research to continue for at least 21 days post-ejaculation. Based on the research, it’s safe to say that sex without ejaculation is the most “effective” sexual practice to increase testosterone levels.
THE BENEFITS OF INCREASED TESTOSTERONE
Healthy and increased testosterone levels are associated with things like having a deeper voice, having an increased sex drive, having greater motivation and having a greater drive to succeed too.
Physical benefits of increased testosterone levels can include increased muscle control, increased athletic performance, increased muscle mass and improvements with weight loss too. Men with higher t levels are often perceived as more attractive by women too.
Some people claim that semen retention must therefore cause all of these things to happen for any man who retains. I disagree though. Remember there’s a LOT more to this practice than just not ejaculating.
For example, consider the next two VERY IMPORTANT things:
CORTISOL & STRESS BLOCK THE BENEFITS OF INCREASED TESTOSTERONE
Let’s say you do everything “properly” to boost your testosterone… you even get a test that shows your serum testosterone levels are higher than normal… but at the same time you’re not getting any of the benefits that come with increased t levels. One of the problems could be that your cortisol levels are too high.
There’s a study that shows if a man is stressed (which shows up in the body as increased cortisol levels), this cortisol actually blocks the behavioral & cognitive benefits of increased testosterone levels.
Basically, in order to thrive in this domain, you need to get enough rest & relax time to have low stress (low cortisol levels).
REDUCED SLEEP QUALITY DAMAGES TESTOSTERONE LEVELS
The majority of your testosterone is produced while you sleep. That means you absolutely need to work on your quality of sleep if boosting your testosterone is important to you.
For example, after one week of reduced sleep quality (still getting 5 hours per night), testosterone levels can drop 10-15%. And if you miss a night of sleep entirely, your testosterone levels could drop 27% the entire next day. Mind-blowing right? And this doesn’t mean a 10% drop in testosterone levels means a lived experience of a 10% drop in motivation & charge… The impact can be much greater…
So if you’re going to practice semen retention (or if you just want to be a healthy male), you NEED to focus on regularly getting good sleep. Getting good sleep on a regular basis gives you more health benefits than most other things combined.
ACTIVITIES THAT BOOST TESTOSTERONE:
Heavy lifting weight training is a great way to boost testosterone levels. Especially weight training that involves your lower body (like squats & lunges).
High intensity interval training (HIIT) has also been shown to increase testosterone levels – much more so than just going for a run, where you maintain the same output over an extended period of time.
Perhaps not surprisingly, working out TOO much can actually reduce testosterone and increase cortisol levels. This goes for excessive weight training and extended-endurance cardio exercise There’s a balance here.
Another great way to boost testosterone is to compete in something physically challenging with other people.
Play basketball, ultimate frisbee, study Jujitsu or Tae Kwon Do… or even just get into a pushup competition with your friends. Competition (and winning) boosts testosterone levels. Unfortunately, losing actually can have a detrimental effect, but there’s a way to hack this.
For example, some friends of mine and I get together to practice boxing & Jujitsu every once in a while. We do compete with intensity, and do try to get hits in on each other – occasionally going for tap outs too… but the overall attitude is one of collaboration. Meaning everyone is a winner – the entire time – because the ultimate goals are learning, physical challenge and fun. It’s my theory that this boosts testosterone for everyone (and it’s just plain fun).
HERBS THAT BOOST TESTOSTERONE & LIBIDO
If you’re sleeping well, retaining, are relatively low-stress, getting in competition AND you still want to experience a boost in this department, there are some herbs that have been shown to increase t levels.
Ashwagandha has been shown to increase testosterone levels in men where levels may be low due to health challenges like being overweight. Results have been shown after 8 weeks of daily intake. This herb may not boost t levels above baseline… ashwagandha might just return your t levels back to baseline if you’re low.
Cordyceps have been said to balance estrogen levels with testosterone levels, and believe it or not you actually need good levels of estrogen in your system to be a sexually potent male.
Tongkat Ali has been shown in multiple studies to be an effective testosterone booster. Some people take it for 8 days on, 2 days off. Other people say 5 days on, 5 days off. Generally the idea is you don’t want to take it all the time for the rest of time… But I will say that I personally have experienced the boost from this herb in particular. It’s one of two herbs that Dr. Andrew Huberman recommends on his podcast too (which is one of my favorite podcasts out there).
Pine Pollen has been shown to increase testosterone levels in the short term (over about 36 hours), and then it returns back to baseline. This is not something to take on a daily basis. Perhaps it’s because pine pollen actually CONTAINS testosterone… rather than stimulating the body’s production or absorption of it.
You could make the argument that any herbs that help you relax more (reduced cortisol levels), and that help you sleep better, could be herbs that would have a positive effect on your overall testosterone levels (and life in general). It just feels better to sleep well and be more relaxed in general.
Think of the archetype of a king sitting on his throne. He’s not sitting there stressed out… he’s sitting there with a relaxed, embodied power. I like to remember this archetype as I move through the world. Too much fire without balance isn’t good for anything, and too much relaxation without fire can be similarly problematic.
With any of the herbs listed here, I HIGHLY recommend doing more research before loading up on anything. Talk to an herbalist. Talk to an alternative medicine practitioner, and get help creating a holistic & integrative view of your life & health in general BEFORE making any substantial changes. You could just talk to a western doctor too, but many of them might quickly jump to hormonal testosterone replacement therapy, and this comes with its own set of problems that could be avoided by approaching things in a more holistic way.
Scientific Research on Semen Retention
While semen retention is an established idea that has been around for a long time, it has not been studied extensively by western science. To be clear, scientific evidence is lacking. More research is needed.
That being said, there are SOME studies showing actual benefits of not ejaculating. You’ll find those studies referenced throughout this entire article.
And if you’re viewing this article on a desktop computer, you’ll see a list of these studies below (referenced by the year, and with some of the main conclusions of the research too). Obviously, investigate to your heart’s content, but there are some pretty interesting things we can learn by looking at them.
If you’re on a mobile device, you’ll probably be able to turn your phone sideways to see the table, or you can come back once you’re on a desktop.
*Also note, except for one of them, all of these studies were conducted on human males, so they’re more relevant than a list of studies done on male rats or male grasshoppers…
|Endocrine response to masturbation-induced orgasm in healthy men following a 3-week sexual abstinence||2001||Abstaining from sex for three weeks led to higher testosterone concentrations|
|A research on the relationship between ejaculation and serum testosterone level in men||2003||Testosterone peaks on the 7th day of abstaining from ejaculation|
|Relationship between the duration of sexual abstinence and semen quality: analysis of 9,489 semen samples||2005||Sperm motility peaks after 1 day of abstinence and sees a huge dip after 10 days of abstinence|
|Relationship between Sexual Satiety and Brain Androgen Receptors||2007||Male rats demonstrate reduced libido and androgen (testosterone) receptors post-ejaculation|
|Influence of ejaculation frequency on seminal parameters||2015||2 weeks of daily ejaculation doesn’t have major effects on semen quality|
|Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better||2015||Having sex once per week (in or out of a relationship) is optimal for well-being|
|Ejaculation Frequency and Risk of Prostate Cancer: Updated Results with an Additional Decade of Follow-up||2016||Beneficial role of more frequent ejaculation in minimizing risk of prostate cancer, even when controlling for other variables|
|Psychological, Relational, and Biological Correlates of Ego-Dystonic Masturbation in a Clinical Setting||2016||Men who feel more guilty for ejaculation are likely to experience a high level of psychological distress (higher alcohol intake, erectile dysfunction, worse relationships, depressive symptoms)|
|Revisiting The Relationship between The Ejaculatory Abstinence Period and Semen Characteristics||2017||Abstaining from ejaculation for just 1 day may maximize sperm motility|
|Revisiting the impact of ejaculatory abstinence on semen quality and intracytoplasmic sperm injection outcomes||2019||Abstaining from ejaculation for 1 day improves pregnancy rate, abstaining for >4 days deteriorates sperm DNA|
Check out this interesting analysis of the research:
In 2021 there was in-depth paper published that attempted to determine the relationship between ejaculatory frequency and general & mental health. It’s a fascinating read, but based on the fact that there’s really not that much research out there on the topic, the results were inconclusive.
This leads me to say the same thing that the writers of that study said:
The world needs more research on semen retention.
To quote them just for fun, they said: “It follows that systematically addressing the question of whether and how masturbation and ejaculation as a lifestyle variable are related to health and well-being represents a timely area of research.”
How to Practice Semen Retention and be Successful
STEP 1: Prepare Yourself
Understand how semen retention actually works. You can’t just sit around and not ejaculate for 20 days and expect to manifest a Ferrari. Spend some time with this guide to understand all of the important pieces.
Remember that you have to do practices to integrate (transmute) the increased sexual charge that comes from not ejaculating, and then use that integrated charge as fuel for taking action in the world. These actions are the things that change your life (literal semen buildup in your groin won’t turn you into a super hero).
STEP 2: Get Guidance
Learn from someone who has successfully done this practice before. At least read this guide, and consider taking my free 7-Day Semen Retention Challenge. In that challenge you’ll hear some personal stories from my own life in those, and I’ll give you daily guidance and practices to safely get the benefits of this practice too.
This is serious stuff we’re working with here, and it deserves serious effort. Don’t try to do it alone.
STEP 3: Start With a Realistic Goal
Make sure your goal is actually attainable. If you regularly ejaculate multiple times per week, don’t try to immediately go 30 days without ejaculating. Instead, you could commit to just 7 days, because you WILL experience noteworthy benefits during that time. Attempting to go for longer periods of time in the beginning could be a recipe for failure & disappointment.
My recommendation would be to go for 10 days for your first time. That way you have at least 3 days to experience the benefits of the spike in testosterone levels that happens on the 7th day post-ejaculation.
STEP 4: Have Compassion for Yourself
This journey isn’t always easy at first, and you’re not living in a society that supports this kind of intentional living. 99.5% of society is focused on instant gratification (what I call “ejaculation culture”), and most people are so brainwashed by this that the idea of cultivating your own life force sounds overly new age or pseudoscientific.
You’re bound to make some slip-ups along the way, and it’s important that when you do, you have compassion for yourself in this journey of growth and sexual mastery. Shame and self-loathing is one of the worst things you can do.
I recommend starting your journey with this:
Take My Free 7-Day Semen Retention Challenge
And experience the powerful benefits of this practice for yourself. Commit to not ejaculating for 7 days, and I’ll send you daily lessons & techniques to build and harness your sexual energy for the next 7 days.
And in addition to setting a realistic goal, you’ll also need to…
STEP 5: Work to Determine Your Ideal Ejaculation Frequency
This will take practice over time, but the time involved here is worth it because knowing your ideal frequency is KEY to a successful semen retention lifestyle.
Once you figure this out, you can truly live the lifestyle of integrative semen retention and get ALL of the benefits of the practice… INCLUDING the benefits of ejaculatory orgasm too.
STEP 6: Mind the “Dip”
Understand how behavior change works. It’s really common for men who are new to semen retention to feel really motivated for the first few days. Then they hit a roadblock. Sometimes it’s the 3rd day, the 4th, or maybe it’s on day 5 when a bikini video pops up out of nowhere on instagram.
At this point, the men haven’t experienced the real benefits of semen retention yet, so the practice is not yet a self-motivating thing. There’s an awesome book called “The Dip” by Seth Godin that talks about this phenomenon. The basic idea is this:
After you start a new practice, the excitement for “doing the new thing” usually wears off before the true benefits start happening.
This is called the “dip.”
It’s at this point in the “dip” where most guys “fail” on their retention journey. And for clarity, when I say fail, I”m referring to having an ejaculation when it ultimately is not the right time for you to do so. Many guys even call this a relapse, which is a term I don’t like to use in this sexual context… because it puts such a negative connotation on the amazing experience of pleasure that ejaculatory orgasm CAN be.
*And for the record, I am 100% PRO-ejaculation – when it’s done with intention and awareness. We’ll talk about ejaculation techniques in the next section.
STEP 7: Practice More Compassion
Again, practice compassion for yourself once you’re in the journey. Honestly, the practice of semen retention can be really tough to do in the beginning… To go from masturbating and ejaculating once a day or multiple times per week, to not ejaculating for 7-10 days… That’s a big change, and it can completely mess with your head and how you feel.
That’s why it can be helpful to start small, and slowly build up. ESPECIALLY if you’re going to start incorporating sexual experiences into your semen retention journey, which we’ll get into in the next section.
It’s also VERY important to understand that you WILL ejaculate at times that are not 100% ideal for you. Maybe you do see that instagram bikini video and you do choose to ejaculate. Okay… roll with it. It’s not going to ruin your life. The most potentially damaging thing about that situation would be if you go into a shame spiral.
STEP 8: If You Do “Mess Up”
Understand that ejaculation shame is more harmful than any ejaculation. So if/when you do ejaculate when you don’t want to, use it as a learning experience. Don’t beat yourself up for masturbating when you didn’t want to; it’s happened to me before, and it’s happened to dozens of my clients. IT HAPPENS.
Just move on and figure out if there’s a way you can avoid it happening in the future, whether it’s by blocking porn websites on your phone, or if it’s making sure you get to that yoga class you committed to going to.
One more thing…
Please DON’T attach your ego or feelings of self worth to retaining for a certain amount of days in a row.
Just start off by retaining for a reasonable timeline, avoiding porn, working out, getting clear on your intentions for retaining, and then get used to the feeling of this newfound sexual energy slowly charging up your body.
STEP 9: Enjoy the Journey!
Some guys get so fixated on “being successful” that they forget to have fun and enjoy themselves along the way. This is a major problem, especially in the “hustle” culture today that encourages people to work work work… You’ve got to practice enjoying each moment, otherwise you’ll lose motivation and burn out.
Speaking of enjoying things, let’s transition into talking about semen retention during sex.
Semen Retention During Sex
The most incredible sexual experiences I’ve ever had, have ALL happened when I either delayed ejaculation and focused on other things during sex, or didn’t ejaculate at all.
Not gonna lie, I used to think ejaculation was the entire point of sex. I remember getting upset with partners in the past when I wasn’t able to ejaculate… as if my ejaculation was somehow their responsibility. Whew… My apologies…
Learning how to have amazing sex and be completely fulfilled without ejaculating will transform your sex and relationship life forever.
It changed mine, and I couldn’t be happier.
And to be real, the first time I heard someone talk about doing this… I thought they were joking. “Why would anyone EVER want to have sex without ejaculating?!?” I asked. “What a waste!” I thought…
But I was wrong. 🙂
THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX WITHOUT EJACULATING BLEW MY MIND
The first time this idea landed for me in a good way was when I first read Mantak Chia’s book the Multiorgasmic Man. At that time I still didn’t want to try it, but my interest was perked.
Fast forward a bunch of years, I read his book again and decided to try it because I was in a phase of wanting to make major changes in my life. (You can hear that story in-depth in my podcast episode about how semen retention helped me make more money).
When I successfully tried this for the first time, it was a completely mind-blowing experience. Instead of ejaculating during sex, I circulated my sexual energy up into the rest of my body…
Instead of feeling depleted like I normally would from an ejaculatory orgasm, I felt supercharged.
I felt tingles and energy coursing through my entire body. I felt ALIVE in an incredible way… and I remember going to the grocery store and thinking to myself “holy shit! This is what people were talking about in those books! It’s real!!!”
IMPORTANT NOTE: When I did this I made sure to do lots of practices to integrate the build up of sexual arousal so I wouldn’t end up having blue balls. Things like the microcosmic orbit, big draw, testicular massage and qigong etc… If you’re going to try having sex without ejaculating, doing practices to integrate the charge is a NECESSITY.
THE BENEFITS OF SEX WITHOUT EJACULATION
If you’re still skeptical, I get it. I promise I understand your skepticism. It’s kind of like the red pill blue pill thing in the Matrix… The blue pill is soooo comforting. It’s normal. It’s easy. It’s tradition. It requires no effort…
But here’s the deal…
If you make pleasure and connection the goal of sex, INSTEAD of trying to achieve orgasm, everything changes.
Then you and your lover can ride the waves of pleasure for as long as you want, without having the sexual experience be a single-lane bridge to ejaculation being the end of sex. This is a fundamental shift in the art of lovemaking, and I cannot stress enough just how important this is.
*SIDE NOTE: If premature ejaculation is keeping you from being able to do this, check out my article that’s full of tips to last longer in bed.
The benefits of sex without ejaculation:
- Sex for as long as you want (because you’ve learned how to control your ejaculation response)
- Increased connection and intimacy with your partner during and after sex
- Increased sexual pleasure (by learning how to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating)
- Increased sexual vitality, confidence, mental clarity and charge for life (because you didn’t let it go through ejaculation)
- Increased trust in your relationship
- Increased skills as a lover (if you don’t focus primarily on orgasms, you’ll have to expand your repertoire of sexual skills)
- Increased testosterone levels (because sex without ejaculation has been shown to increase testosterone more than simple abstinence)
- Increased semen volume (if you wait at least 4 days between ejaculations)
- And almost all of the benefits of semen retention that were talked about earlier in this article (because sex without ejaculation is an important part of Integrative Semen Retention)
And you’ll might even start to feel like a sex god in general. If this happens, it’s important to temper this with gratitude and humbleness though… because you don’t want your ego running the show.
Knowing your worth is important, yes… but instead of letting your newfound sexual skills get to your head… allow this charge to fill your body with the energy of confidence, authentic joy, and service to the world.
IT IS NOT A SACRIFICE OF PLEASURE
To be very clear, when I have sex without ejaculating I am NOT sacrificing my pleasure. I have expanded my pleasure capacity to experience all kinds of other amazing pleasures besides the typical ejaculation (including non-ejaculatory orgasms).
I honestly prefer to have sex without ejaculating. I’d say somewhere between 70% to 90% of all of my sexual experiences are non-ejaculatory.
It’s a fundamentally new way of approaching sex that will bring you MORE pleasure, an improved relationship, an improved life, and ultimately it’ll help to improve the world too.
Why? Because the world benefits when men live sexually charged in an integrated way. The last part of that sentence is key. INTEGRATED. Unintegrated sexual charge is dangerous and damaging. Integrated sexual charge is powerful and can be directed.
How Often Should a Man Ejaculate During Semen Retention?
Every man has an Ideal Ejaculation Frequency for his age and current set of life circumstances. It’s not the same for everyone, and YOU are the only person who can figure this out for yourself.
There are some general recommendations in certain branches of Taoist Sexuality. For example, in Mantak Chia’s book the Multiorgasmic man, there’s a passage that says this QUOTE:
- A man at twenty can ejaculate once every four days
- A man at thirty can ejaculate once every eight days
- A man at forty can ejaculate once every ten days
- A man at fifty can ejaculate once every twenty days
- A man at sixty should no longer ejaculate
Instead of a prescription, these points should be used as guidance for how to find your deal ejaculation frequency. (Click that link to go to an in-depth article I wrote on the topic).
Right now I’m 37 years old, and I’m very happy with my once every 10-14 day cycle. In the summer and when I’m on vacation I ejaculate more frequently… and in the winter and when I’m feeling sick, I ejaculate less frequently.
Which brings us to this point:
WHEN SHOULD YOU EJACULATE?
This is an important question, and I’ll share my own preferences here to give you some things to consider.
- I only like to ejaculate in the evening or at night. That way I can let my system completely wind down and enter a state of rest for the remainder of the day.
- I usually don’t like to ejaculate early in the week, because it can make the next couple of days not feel as potent. Sometimes I will ejaculate on a Monday or Tuesday, but it’s only if the next couple of days won’t require much intensity from me.
- My favorite times to ejaculate are on Friday or Saturday nights. This is because my system can have at least one full day of being in rest & relax mode after ejaculating (I usually don’t work on Saturdays or Sundays).
- If I’m on vacation and I need a serious release, I might ejaculate multiple times in a week. But even this is rare. My girlfriend and I went on a vacation to Tulum, Mexico last month, and I didn’t ejaculate once (and I got all the rest and relaxation I needed).
- If I have an important event coming up, I’ll usually have an ejaculatory orgasm 7 days before that event. This is because of the spike in testosterone that happens 7 days after an ejaculatory orgasm. This is a pretty cool life hack to try.
And this brings us to another important point:
EJACULATORY ORGASMS ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF INTEGRATIVE SEMEN RETENTION
Some people say that a man should only ejaculate if he is trying to procreate. I disagree. I believe ejaculatory orgasms are an important part of a healthy sex life – and an important part of a healthy semen retention lifestyle.
Ejaculatory orgasms can be truly profound, and when they’re shared with a sexual partner, they can be incredibly connective, beautiful and pleasurable. There’s a certain kind of depth and intimacy that can only happen after ejaculatory orgasm… and that depth is truly magical.
Some people take semen retention to an extreme and get attached to going 100, 200, 300 days or more without an ejaculation. I think this is a bad idea for 99% of men.
EJACULATORY ORGASMS CAN BE ENERGIZING
Lots of men say they feel drained and depleted after an ejaculatory orgasm. What if I told you that it’s actually possible to feel revitalized and energized instead?
If we approach ejaculatory orgasm with a new kind of awareness and intentionality described below, we can experience a fundamentally different outcome on the other side.
Here’s how to have an energizing ejaculatory orgasm:
1 – BEFORE YOU EJACULATE…
Make a conscious choice to ejaculate long before you actually feel the urge to do so. You want to proactively do this, instead of reacting to an overload of pleasure in the moment that pushes you over the point of no return.
For example, I know whether or not I’m going to ejaculate in a sexual experience before the experience even begins (based on my ideal ejaculation frequency). This way, the ejaculation is intentional, and you can choose to have it at a moment in the sexual experience that works best for you and your lover.
I recommend being sexual for at least 20 minutes before you ejaculate. This gives time for both you and your lover to relax deeply into the experience of lovemaking… and it will enhance the pleasure of your orgasm when it finally does happen too.
2 – DURING THE EJACULATION…
Fully embrace the experience. Make wild sounds, shake your body, go as deeply into the experience of ejaculation as possible. When we hold ourselves back here, we hold ourselves back from the amazing benefits we can actually get from ejaculation.
And this is why it’s important to be able to control your ejaculation…
Because you want to ejaculate only at a time in the sexual experience that will work best for both you and your lover. An ejaculatory orgasm is something that WILL change the flow of a sexual experience, and it’s important to be intentional with the timing of it.
3 – AFTER YOU EJACULATE…
Immediately give your body, mind and soul an opportunity to rest and relax as deeply into the sexual release as possible.
Specifically, I recommend laying down for a good 15 to 20-minutes after ejaculating. During this time, see how deeply you can relax into the moment. See how deeply you can let go.
If you do this, you’ll probably find that somewhere around the 10 to 15-minute mark you’ll start to feel a deep rejuvenation wash over your entire body, mind and spirit. This rejuvenation can be deeply restful, restorative and energizing, but it ONLY happens if you actually give yourself time to rest post-ejaculation.
Most guys rob themselves of the true benefits of ejaculatory orgasm because they get up shortly after an ejaculation and go straight into the mode of accomplishing tasks. When you do this, you interrupt the restoration process… And when this process is interrupted, it doesn’t feel good. (Insert brain fog, lethargy and feelings of depletion here).
There’s a reason your system wants to rest and take a break after ejaculating.
Don’t rob yourself of this magic.
THERE’S ONE MORE TRICK…
In order for your ejaculatory orgasm to be as restorative as possible, you need to have it at a time that is in line with your ideal ejaculation frequency.
Once you figure that out, you can choose to ejaculate only once you’ve reached your ideal window. That way your system will be primed to get the true benefits of an ejaculation. Check out this video on the topic to go deeper.
Since we’re on the topic of benefits, let’s keep go deeper…
Benefits of Ejaculatory Orgasms
One of the biggest benefits of ejaculatory orgasm is the deep release and restoration you can experience from having one. That might seem counterintuitive coming from an article about semen retention, especially considering that lots of men who get into semen retention see this release as negative…
But here’s the thing: release is NOT the problem. TOO MUCH release is the problem. That’s why with Integrative Semen Retention, it’s important to ejaculate in line with your Ideal Ejaculation Frequency. That way you can experience all the benefits of ejaculatory orgasms without experiencing ejaculation hangover.
As men, we actually need to experience deep release on a semi-regular basis. And it’s true that you can get this from a variety of sources, but ejaculation is a great strategy to get this release too.
Ejaculatory orgasms can be one of the most pleasurable, connective, vulnerable, magical, healthy and restorative experiences possible in sex. ESPECIALLY when you have them with intention – and on occasion.
And when you learn to spread sexual energy through your entire body, all of your ejaculatory orgasms will become much more pleasurable. You might even start to experience full body orgasms with your ejaculations.
This can become even more amplified if you start to explore prostate stimulation. Some guys call the prostate the male g-spot… and it really can create earth-shattering orgasms.
REDUCED STRESS & ANXIETY
Sex can feel very, very good… There’s really nothing else like being naked with your lover and entering into the realm of lovemaking. It can be pure magic. And it can catalyze some pretty amazing processes in our body too.
For example, sexual activity boosts dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel verrrrry good. Sex also increases oxytocin, which has been shown to reduce stress, relieve pain, and improve trust & mood. Sex can increase endorphins (another feel-good neurotransmitter), and can also reduce cortisol levels too (the stress hormone).
Everything in moderation though… because if you ejaculate every day, the benefits decrease… and all of a sudden you may find yourself in a scenario of increased stress because you’ve been so busy ejaculating (and resting in the post-ejaculatory phase) that you haven’t taken the time to actually create the life you want.
PHYSICAL HEALTH BENEFITS
Since I’m a fan of research, you’ll find some studies below showing that ejaculatory orgasm can have beneficial impacts on sleep, cardiovascular health, immune system function and reduced prostatitis.
It should be noted that almost all studies about sex in men see sex as synonymous with ejaculation. There isn’t much research on sex without ejaculation, with the exception of things like delayed ejaculation (which is where a man wants to ejaculate but can’t), and when a man has erectile dysfunction to the point where penetrative sex and ejaculation isn’t possible.
I would LOVE to see a series of studies that looked at the beneficial impacts of sex and orgasm WITHOUT ejaculation.
The sleep study below is actually a pretty amazing example of that (minus the orgasm without ejaculation piece). If you take the time to dive into the sleep study below, you’ll see that there are massive benefits of having sex without ejaculation too.
One study actually looked at the different impacts of sex and masturbation on sleep quality – with AND without orgasm. It’s rare to find research like this. All results showed that sexual activity before sleep had a beneficial impact on sleep quality, and sex or masturbation WITH orgasm showed a slight increase in overall improvements of sleep quality. (Nothing was said about male orgasm without ejaculation).
IMPROVED CARDIOVASCULAR HEALTH
IMPROVED IMMUNE SYSTEM FUNCTION
This study showed an increase in immune system function for up to 45 minutes after ejaculatory orgasm. It was a small sample size though, and didn’t look at immune function in the hours and days beyond ejaculation. I included this study here just because technically it DOES show some benefit of ejaculation. I’d love to see other studies on this topic.
This study showed that if a man is experiencing non-bacterial prostatitis, regular ejaculations help heal this condition. It didn’t help everyone, but it did help the majority of participants in the small study.
RELATIONSHIP BENEFITS OF EJACULATORY ORGASMS
When you regularly have sex with without ejaculating, the times when you DO ejaculate can become special. To say it again, when ejaculation isn’t default, you AND your partner will find more depth, pleasure, connection and potentially even more sacredness when you do choose to ejaculate.
Because I practice semen retention, the times I do ejaculate with my partner feel like truly special and bonding experiences that bring us closer together and are also highly erotic.
If we’re having sex and we both know I plan to ejaculate, we take time to really build up to the ejaculation to make it special and savor it together… which adds to the overall pleasure and magic of the moment.
If you want to hear about this from my girlfriend’s perspective, listen to this podcast episode.
And to increase intimacy & magic…
To get even more specific, we both prefer that I ejaculate inside her in some way, so she can have the experience of taking me into her body. There’s great magic to this.
We do this either vaginally (when she is NOT in her fertile window), or in her mouth. There’s a distinct difference from how we both used to experience this when we were younger (just as a mindless sexual act). Now there’s a magic to it that is deeply special for both of us.
Speaking of magic…
Tantric Sex & Non-Ejaculatory Orgasms
Even though ejaculations can be amazing, there are even more amazing realms of sex to explore. Most people have heard about Tantra these days, and the concept of having an orgasm without ejaculation is getting more widely known too. These two things are directly related, and an Integrative Semen Retention practice fits in perfectly here too.
To be clear, most of what we know as Tantra today has almost nothing to do with original Tantric practice. It’s kind of like how Yoga today is VERY different from original Yoga. Modern sexual Tantra is called “Neo-Tantra,” and original Tantric practice is known as “Classical Tantra.”
But since we’re here today to talk about modern Tantra and orgasm without ejaculation, let’s explore them below, and I bet you’ll quickly see how semen retention fits in:
TANTRIC SEX PRACTICES
There are lots of different schools of Tantra, and each has its own philosophy… But one common thread that runs through almost all of them is that Tantric Sex is sexual activity that focuses on pleasure, presence and connection INSTEAD of achieving peak orgasm. (With the belief that excess ejaculations is unhealthy).
This could be sex with another person, solo sex (masturbation), penetrative sex, oral sex, or even energetic sex without touching.
Practices that bring people into different states of consciousness are often involved too. Breathwork is a good example, and I’ll share some other common practices below:
CONSECRATION BEFORE SEX:
This means taking time before sex begins to dedicate the sexual experience to a higher purpose than just “getting off.” This is often done with great reverence for life and the sex itself (with a vibe of prayer). One example could be to incorporate sex magic into this by dedicating your lovemaking and sexual energy to helping you and your lover create your dream home together.
Another option could be to offer your sexual pleasure up to the divine, so that it may best serve life in ways that are not yet known to you. This is a beautiful thing to experience… and it’s an way to incorporate sacred sexuality into your life.
This is a super interesting transpersonal sex practice that involves CHOOSING to view your partner as someone/something different than the way you normally view them. You could think of this as spiritual role play.
For example, with my girlfriend Naema, when we have sex I could “transfigure” her in my mind and view her AS the divine feminine herself (and not just Naema).
That way when we make love, I actually experience those moments as making love with the divine feminine. She could do the same for me with the divine masculine… and all of a sudden the sexual experience becomes VERY different. This is 100% worth trying.
I could also choose to view her as Aphrodite, or as any other being. Key to doing this in a “Tantric” way is having intentionality, prayer, devotion and reverence be part of the experience.
This has been described a few times in this article already, and it’s worth mentioning again because it’s such an important part of this practice. Sexual energy transmutation is one of the most important concepts to understand in this entire article.
Sexual energy is powerful, and it should be cultivated, harnessed and treated with great respect. One of the ways to respect this energy is to use it as fuel to create positive change in the world.
A simple question to ask yourself is this: “Is my sex life improving how I show up in the world on a daily basis?” If so, then you’re already doing some form of sex transmutation. If not, it’s time to make some changes.
EXPLORING ALL KINDS OF SEX
When some people think of Tantric sex, they think of candles, hot oil and slow new age music that’s honestly pretty obnoxious. This is a very limited and inaccurate way of viewing Tantric sex.
Any kind of consensual sexual activity can be Tantric Sex.
To put it bluntly, that means anal sex, threesomes, role play, BDSM, kink, spanking, choking, handcuffs, Shibari, ejaculatory orgasms, pee play, and much more can actually be Tantric sex.
If you’re scratching your head at this, ask yourself… What makes something sacred? It’s not the physical act itself, but it’s the INTENTION and REVERENCE you bring to the moment in ANY experience.
TIPS TO HAVE AN ORGASM WITHOUT EJACULATION
These are bit different than what you’re probably thinking of. An orgasm without ejaculation is where you experience the same level of pleasure (or more) as a traditional orgasm, just without the ejaculation of semen or the refractory period. There is no “release” in a non-ejaculatory orgasm that is similar to an ejaculation, and this is what trips a lot of guys up when they’re trying to understand or experience this.
Two of the main prerequisites to having non-ejaculatory orgasms are learning how to control your ejaculation AND learning how to fully love, enjoy and be 100% satisfied with sexual without ejaculating (because you don’t get the typical release that you would normally get with an ejaculatory orgasm).
The trick is to ALREADY have experienced enough non-sexual release and ease in other areas of your life that your body doesn’t need to seek release through an ejaculation.
That way you can sexually “peak” and stay there – riding the peak for an extended period of time. Then you can rise ABOVE what you originally thought was your peak to entirely new levels of orgasmic pleasure.
THE FIRST STEP IS TO CHANGE YOUR MINDSET
When most guys have sex or masturbate, the goal is usually to reach the ejaculatory peak and release. In Tantric sex, which is known in Taoist Sexuality as the “Tao of Loving,” the goal and experience of sex can be entirely different.
This kind of sex focuses on feeling pleasure throughout your ENTIRE body. It focuses on the connection with your partner, and what you’re both feeling in each moment. It focuses on presence, breath, energy, and the JOURNEY of lovemaking. This is where the term lovemaking really shines.
If you’re actually making love, it’s poetry, without an end goal of ejaculation.
You could choose to ejaculate if you want to, but that’s not the point. There is no “once x happens, sex is over.” This is what some people describe as “infinite” sex. And when you fully get absorbed in this kind of sex, non-ejaculatory orgasms can happen.
The irony is you can’t force a non-ejaculatory orgasm to happen… They’ll happen when you’re completely immersed in the pleasure and connection in the moment. You have to allow non-ejaculatory orgasms to blossom internally while you are in the experience of lovemaking. It’s a fundamentally different kind of experience.
WHAT DOES A NON-EJACULATORY ORGASM FEEL LIKE?
I’ll share some quotes below from men who I asked to describe their experiences with this:
“Shuddering waves of pure bliss. Tactile and palatable. Like I could ride that wave forever.”
“It was a full body experience, like my whole body was tingling especially around my lips and hands. Lasted 5 whole minutes. I felt very energized.”
“Amazing…energy waves rippled up through my body.”
“I experienced it full body. It felt as I was ejaculating with no projectile. It lasted a longer amount of time, 5–7 minutes. Afterwards I felt rejuvenated, empowered, and present.”
There’s a whole range of non-ejaculatory orgasms… ranging from short and sweet, to expansive and cosmic. If you want to hear a more in-depth description, check out my podcast episode about my first Tantric orgasm. That was what I’d call an extended non-ejaculatory cosmic orgasm. And to be clear, I don’t have those experiences very often.
What DOES happen more often for me is smaller non-ejaculatory orgasms that happen multiple times during a lovemaking session. They feel like internal explosions, but I like to call them implosions in my Orgasmic Mastery Course because they build internally instead of releasing externally like an explosion would.
THEN MAKE SURE YOU COVER THESE 2 PREREQUISITES
No amount of kegel exercises, microcosmic orbit practice, big draws or breathwork will fully prepare your system to be able to have an orgasm without ejaculation. There are two very important pre-requisites:
PREREQUISITE #1: Learn how to be completely satisfied in sex without needing to ejaculate. You can also check out the recording of my youtube live on the topic (skip through the video to the sections that are most interesting to you by using the chapter markers):
PREREQUISITE #2: This as important as the step above, and you might cringe… But you’ve got to learn to be vulnerable. You’ve got to learn to open your heart and let your love and emotionality become part of the sexual experience (even if you’re in a one night stand). This is more important than learning how to do the perfect kegel squeeze. Your pelvic muscles are important, but not nearly as important as learning to let energy flow through your body.
This can be scary for guys because most of us have bottled up our emotions and trauma, stuffing it all down into a place where nobody can see… The problem here is that this creates energy blockages in our system.
But now you might be asking “how the hell am I supposed to do this?”
IF YOU’RE EMOTIONALLY BLOCKED, GO TO AN IN-PERSON WORKSHOP
If you’re used to stuffing down the “hard stuff,” I’d recommend going to an IN-PERSON workshop where you’ll get to work on discharging this in a supportive container. Retreats put on by The Mankind Project, Sacred Sons and the International School of Temple Arts can be great options, with one VERY IMPORTANT caveat:
If you have a major traumatic experience in your past, I’d recommend working one-on-one with a trauma therapist BEFORE going to any transformational in-person retreat. And then ONLY go to the retreat/workshop once your therapist gives the green light to go. These workshops are powerful spaces, but you won’t get the kind of individualized attention that you MIGHT need in order to fully transform.
LETTING YOUR EMOTIONS FLOW IS IMPORTANT
Think about it… if you feel like crying in a movie, but you push the crying down because “it’s not okay to cry,” then you’re telling your entire system that “energetic movement is not okay,” because EMOTIONS ARE ENERGY IN MOTION. This directly translates to sex.
For example, in sex if you feel emotions coming up but you suppress them, you’re also suppressing the flow of energy in your body, which translates to suppressing the flow of sexual energy too… And that reduces your orgasmic potential in that moment. This is a big leap for most guys at first (and it was a huge leap for me at first too), but it is absolutely, 100% necessary.
And you might want to try this:
EXPLORING ANAL CAN HELP
Many men say that exploring anal stimulation on themselves is what finally opened their system up to be able to experience multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms.
I’m 100% serious…
But why might this be the case?
We’ve got a major case of widespread tight-ass syndrome in today’s world… And tension leads to ejaculation. Ease and openness leads to extended lovemaking and the ability for sexual energy to flow more ease-fully.
Exploring anal penetration on yourself can literally open your body to experience more pleasure. This is why I created my course called Unlocking the Root. It’ll help you unlock the true potential of pleasure in your body.
You might also want to check out my article on the best anal toys for men.
And for the record, I am a heterosexual male… and according to research, the MAJORITY of heterosexual men are actually open to and interested in exploring receiving this with their female partners.
I say this because for many heterosexual men, the idea of exploring anal brings up a mortal fear of altering their sexual orientation in some way. As a man who has explored this in-depth, I can say that it hasn’t changed my sexual orientation at all. It HAS made me much more confident, open and able to experience more pleasure than I ever thought possible.
AND FINALLY, TAKE A SEXUAL MASTERY TRAINING
This is the point at which I tell you to that if you’re serious about wanting to learn how to do this, you should sign up for a training. Experiencing an orgasm without ejaculation IS possible, but it can be very tricky – if not impossible – to figure out exactly what to do to get there.
It will take regular practice and targeted effort over time to reprogram everything your sexual response system has learned over the years.
And a reprogramming IS what’s necessary.
This is why I created the 10-week journey for men called the Orgasmic Mastery Course. It’ll take you through a guided set of practices over 10 weeks to completely reprogram your sexual response system so you CAN experience the epic lovemaking you know you’re capable of. This course has changed the lives of many hundreds of men around the world, and if nothing else, you should at least check it out.
Semen Retention in Long Term Relationships (LTR)
Semen retention (when done well) can create massive benefits for your long term relationships. Increased trust, sexual charge, orgasmic pleasure, intimacy, depth, and a lot more. If you want to hear just how big of a positive impact this practice has had on my partner & current relationship, check out this podcast I created with Naema (my girlfriend/partner).
IT CAN INCREASE SEXUAL CHARGE
The more you ejaculate with a single person over time, the less desire you’ll have to continue ejaculating with that person. Think about it… if you ejaculate with someone 5 times in a row in the same week, your desire to have sex with them again will almost certainly be low (especially if you’re in a long term relationship).
This isn’t just wishful thinking either… this is a concept that has been demonstrated in research, and it’s called the Coolidge Effect.
In order to counteract this effect, you can intentionally retain your semen during sex with your partner, bypass ejaculatory orgasm, and use that non-ejaculated charge to keep the passion high in your relationship.
Of course there are many things that contribute to keeping the charge alive in your long term relationship. There’ll be multiple podcast episodes coming out about this soon.
IT CAN DEEPEN TRUST
If you always ejaculate with your partner, on some subtle level they might start losing trust in you. Especially if controlling your ejaculation is challenging for you. David Deida talks about this in his book “The Way of the Superior Man.”
To quote him here:
“If you are like most men, after an ejaculation or two you don’t really want to penetrate or ravish her any more. You are content to relax in the emptiness of released tension. You don’t feel much desire to enter your woman, bodily or emotionally, as you did just before you ejaculated.
Your woman feels your lack of desire. And she also intuits, perhaps subconsciously, that your lack of desire also applies toward the world. If she can drain you, so can the world. If she waits for your deepest gifts, as you lie feebly in the bed of undesire, so might the world. She senses that you have succumbed to her, that you have allowed temporary pleasures to diminish your capacity for fullest consciousness. She knows you will likewise succumb to the world.”
– David Deida, from “Way of the Superior Man” in the “Ejaculation Should Be Converted or Consciously Chosen” chapter.
IT CAN INCREASE INTIMACY, DEPTH AND CONNECTION
Many people unconsciously choose ejaculation as a way to avoid true intimacy. If it’s true that the average duration of sex these days is about 5 minutes, then this makes sense.
You can stay in a hot, orgasmically-focused sexual experience for about 5 minutes without experiencing true depth… but when you start going beyond that, real intimacy kicks in. This can be scary for some people, because true intimacy means vulnerability and feeling… So many just ejaculate and let the sexual experience end. Yes men do this, but women do it too – they might try to make their man ejaculate quickly so the sexual experience can be over.
If you move beyond ejaculation-focused sex, a whole new magical world of sexual depth and intimacy opens up.
The most incredible sexual experiences of my life have happened when I have either chosen NOT to ejaculate during sex, or chosen to prioritize connection and depth as the main focus of the sexual experience.
Key to this is being able to have intentional conversations with your partner:
IT CAN CREATE STRONGER MASCULINE/FEMININE POLARITY
This one is a bit of a stretch, but treat it like a thought experiment. There’s a lot of masculine/feminine polarity talk these days, and a lot of it is highly problematic by reinforcing gender roles, heteronormative relationships and sexism. That being said, there is some value to consider here.
Let’s roll with the basic assumption of a base-level quality of the “masculine” as being unwavering, and the “feminine” as being dynamic like the ocean waves. The “masculine” receives pleasure and inspiration from the rolling waves of the “feminine,” and the “feminine” receives pleasure and connection from the “masculine” unwavering presence.
When a man ejaculates, his presence and desire wavers (think about the refractory period). If this happens regularly, and if his partner is feminine, then his partner regularly experiences him as wavering and unsteady in his desire/presence. This on some subtle level could be unattractive to the feminine partner, because they start seeing (or feeling) the man as more “feminine” because of his wavering presence & desire.
If the man ejaculates less frequently, but still engages in regular, loving & connected sex with his partner, he cultivates a relational presence that is more “masculine” – at least according to this theory of feminine/masculine polarity. Something to ponder… 🙂
How to Talk About Semen Retention With Your Partner
If you’re going to practice semen retention and be sexual with other people, you need to talk about it BEFORE you have sex. Most people just assume ejaculation is the goal of sex for men…
And many women base their sexual self-worth on whether or not they’re able to make their man cum. Fortunately, with the right communication and sexual skills, you have the opportunity to completely blow your lover’s mind with this practice.
And for context, I’ve practiced semen retention in one-night stands, threesomes, and in long term relationships. It works in all scenarios, and everything in between.
Every single woman I’ve been with has appreciated this practice of mine, and many of them say this practice has fundamentally changed how they want to have sex for the rest of their lives (in a good way).
INITIATE A CONVERSATION BEFORE SEX BEGINS
Don’t wait until you get in the bedroom to talk about sex. You’ll almost certainly miss some important things in the heat of the moment. Whenever I think I might be sexual with a new person, I make time to have a sex talk with them while in a casual context like going out for food, or a walk in a park.
I lead us through a list of important topics to cover, such as relationship status, sexual health, expectations, desires, fears, boundaries and more. Please feel free to just copy the format of this conversation. It’ll work wonders, I promise.
That conversation is designed to cover pretty much everything you need to know before you have sex with someone new. It does take some work, but the work is worth it, because after the conversation you know with 100% clarity where you both stand on all the important issues. That creates a super safe & sexy container to explore in.
And if one of you realizes you don’t actually want to have sex with each other through that conversation, excellent! That’s a great realization to have BEFORE you actually have sex. That’s much better than the alternative…
DURING THIS CONVERSATION, TALK ABOUT SEMEN RETENTION
Express what your ejaculatory preferences are, and express the WHY behind your preferences. Also make sure to include a list of how this practice benefits them and your sexual connection too. If you need a refresher here, make sure to check out the section on this page about Semen Retention During Sex.
Tell your lover if you think you’ll need to occasionally pause during sex to do practices to control your arousal. Yes this might “break the flow” of the moment in sex, but ultimately they’ll appreciate it because it will mean a longer, more pleasurable and more connective sexual experience.
It’s better to explain this up front so you don’t have to go into logical brain mode during sex to explain why you’re breathing deeply and squeezing your abdomen while pressing on your pelvic floor. 🙂
ONCE SEX BEGINS, DEMONSTRATE YOUR PLEASURE
By this I mean that it’s really important to actually 1 – experience pleasure during sex, and 2 – demonstrate that pleasure to your partner. Lots of guys stay pretty flat during sex when they start off with semen retention.
Usually men don’t make much noise during sex, they don’t move around a whole lot, and they rarely use their words to express their pleasure either…
That’s not fun for your lover (or at least not as fun as it COULD be).
If you can demonstrate to your partner that you’re fully enjoying sexual pleasure during sex, then you’ll both have a lot more fun, and your partner won’t consciously or subconsciously try to make you ejaculate just so they can see you in pleasure. Their system will already be “rewarded” by seeing you in pleasure.
ONCE SEX ENDS, DESCRIBE YOUR PLEASURE TO YOUR PARTNER
It’s important to let your partner know how the experience went for you. If they’re used to being with men who ejaculate, they’ll likely have some questions (or at least concerns) if sex ends and you didn’t ejaculate.
Let them know how much you enjoyed it. Treat this as a practice in building connection and charge with your lover. Words aren’t always the easiest thing for the male brain when sex is involved… but if you’re having sex with a woman, most women love this.
Bottom line, if you don’t communicate about your semen retention practice with a new sexual partner before sex begins, you’re setting yourself up for some challenges…
The Dangers of Semen Retention
When you retain your seed, you’re playing with fire. To me, this is a fire worth playing with, because this fire can help you alchemize sexual energy into action in the world that literally creates the life you want. And…
It IS possible to get burned from this practice.
There are some important dangers to be aware of if you’re going to try semen retention. The good news is that these dangers CAN be prevented and avoided with proper technique… but you’ve got to know what to watch out for.
Let’s start with one of the most common negative experiences men associate with semen retention:
BLUE BALLS & PELVIC PAIN
The scientific word for blue balls is epididymal hypertension. It IS a real thing, and it really hurts. Blue balls most commonly happens after a man gets highly aroused in a sexual experience, and he doesn’t ejaculate. During arousal there’s a buildup of tension and fluids in the epididymis, seminal vesicles, prostate and genital region in general.
Usually an ejaculatory orgasm would release this build up during the involuntary contractions. But, if a man is practicing semen retention and does not ejaculate during sex, he’ll need to do other practices to prevent blue balls.
Sometimes this can start to happen on a low-grade level for men who are retaining their semen even if they’re not being sexual. Check out my how to get rid of blue balls article for more info on this. And if you want a deeper dive, listen to my podcast episode with Dr. Susie Gronskie all about semen retention & pelvic pain.
HYPERSEXUALIZATION (OBSESSIVE SEXUAL THOUGHTS)
This is when there is such a buildup of unintegrated sexual charge that a man starts obsessing over sex and sexualized thoughts, fantasies, stories etc… When people say “he’s about to burst,” that’s kind of what this is like.
The man has too much unintegrated sexual charge bouncing around in his body, and his system needs a release of some kind.
Sex unconsciously becomes the primary strategy to achieve this release.
The best thing to do in this scenario is an intensive workout. Cardio. High intensity interval training. Anything to get the heart rate up to a high-intensity level for an extended period of time. This allows for a release of the buildup of energy without requiring a sexual release.
STAGNATION, LETHARGY & BOREDOM
This is the other side of the same coin. When there is so much unintegrated sexual charge, that it bottlenecks in the body and you start to feel flat. The best analogy for this is with overeating. Imagine you ate lunch during your work day, but instead of eating one normal-sized meal, you ate two entire meals. Now you’re overfull. Now you’re in food coma.
Technically the fuel does exist in your body, but it’s not useable because there’s too much of it all at once and your body has to go into processing mode in order to integrate it. Often with stagnation during semen retention, intensive exercise is the best option too. Sometimes doing heavy lifting weight training can be very helpful too.
TOXIC EJACULATION SHAME
Many men in the NoFap movement and semen retention worlds have created an unhealthy belief about ejaculatory orgasms – that they are somehow bad, wrong, unhealthy and detrimental to life in general. While it’s true that excess ejaculations can hurt your life, ejaculatory orgasms are still a beautiful and important part of your sex life and sexual response systems.
What’s worse than ejaculating when you don’t want to? Getting into a shame or self-loathing spiral about the ejaculation itself. This could be “relapse” shame too. That shame is toxic, and will negatively impact your life and relationships. This is where self-compassion comes in, and where the understanding and appreciation for ejaculatory orgasms should come in too.
IDEALISTIC FIXATION ON LONG TERM SEMEN RETENTION
This is on the extreme end of the spectrum… but some guys get it in their heads that they should retain their semen for as long as humanly possible. I’m talking about hundreds of days here. I think this is a bad idea for 99% of men… It’s not necessary, and there are immense benefits to having an ejaculatory orgasm on occasion too.
If you look into the world of nofap & semen retention, you’ll see some anecdotal stories from men about how they went 300 days without ejaculating. Maybe even 2 years without ejaculating… And they say this changed their life.
But I always argue that it wasn’t the lack of ejaculation that changed their life… it was the level of intentionality that they brought to every aspect of their life. The benefits of semen retention only go so far. They plateau after a while… so an endless retention journey is not necessary.
Some guys get so fixated on not ejaculating that it actually hurts their ability to connect in sex and relationship with their lover(s). This is common for men struggling with premature ejaculation too. When there’s so much focus on not ejaculating, the experience itself becomes about not ejaculating – as opposed to being about pleasure and connection.
Over time this will erode the passion, play and intimacy needed to keep a relationship alive and thriving. While it is important to be intentional with your ejaculations, the goal is to be able to be in sexual experiences where you’re not thinking about this at all… you’re just present in the moment of pleasure and connecting bodies, hearts and souls.
Wet dreams (also called nocturnal emissions) are a natural part of being a sexual human. If for some reason you’ve never heard of this term, a wet dream is when you ejaculate while you’re asleep. They’re not inherently dangerous or a problem, but if you’re trying to retain your semen for a number of days and you have a wet dream, it can feel like a problem or a failure.
The good news is that you can learn how to stop wet dreams during semen retention.
Before we get there, it’s helpful to understand that the biological and neurochemical impact of a wet dream on your system is far less intense than if you were to have an ejaculatory orgasm during your waking hours. You ejaculate less semen, and the impact on your brain chemistry is less severe too. So to be clear…
The biggest danger of having wet dreams during semen retention is any guilt and shame you might feel about “failing” on your mission.
Wet dreams by themselves are not a health concern.
To go deeper, check out my in-depth guide to stopping wet dreams during semen retention.
WHAT ABOUT PROSTATE CANCER FROM SEMEN RETENTION?
There was a study that came out in 2016 that showed a correlation between increased ejaculation frequency and reduced risk of prostate cancer.
Specifically, men who ejaculated 20 times per month had a 20% reduced risk of contracting prostate cancer when compared to men who ejaculated just 4-7 times per month. This study made pop news headlines around the world, and everyone started encouraging men to ejaculate constantly. *facepalm*
But correlation does not equal causation.
That result could have been because of a variety of different factors. For example, men who are having enough sex to have 20 ejaculations in a month are probably way more physically active than other men. They probably have higher levels of oxytocin on a regular basis, and the quality of their relationships is probably WAY higher than the relationships of other men.
All of those factors play a direct role in health and the prevention of disease… but they weren’t talked about. The conversation about sex was just centralized on ejaculation – just like porn, just like movies, just like jokes, etc…
Other studies have given different results. For example, another study showed only a very weak correlation of this for men in their 30s, but zero impact of ejaculation frequency on prostate cancer risk for every other age group.
To create a study that’d actually be useful here, the researchers would have to include a sample group of men who regularly practice sex without ejaculating, who also regularly do the practices associated with a healthy & thriving semen retention lifestyle.
I’d bet most of my money that this second group of thriving sexual men (practicing semen retention in an integrative way) would be more healthy than the other groups. Besides, there are some other things you can do that are WAY more important in preventing prostate cancer:
The top 5 ways to prevent prostate cancer:
(According to Johns Hopkins Medicine):
- Improve your diet
- Stay at healthy weight levels for your height
- Exercise and work out regularly
- Drink less alcohol and stop smoking
- Get more vitamin D
*I’d bet that if you do these 5 things plus live a sexually active lifestyle of Integrative Semen Retention, you’ll be ahead of at least 90% of other men in terms of prostate cancer risk. I’d love to see some research on this some day.
Prostatitis is a benign (but painful) condition that’s usually pretty simple to treat. The symptoms can be mild to severe pain in the pelvic region, which can feel localized in any or all of the following areas: the penis, testicles, pelvic floor, abdomen, and lower back. Using the bathroom can feel painful, and you might have frequent urges to urinate.
Last year a guy reached out to me who had retained for 150+ days and was experiencing pretty intense pelvic pain. I told him I never recommend anything like that, and that he should go get some professional medical advice.
So he went to a urologist and found out that he had Prostatitis. Shocker. The urologist recommended some things for him, including multiple ejaculations per week for a couple weeks to help clear things out. After that? He was back to normal…
The three most common forms of Prostatitis are:
- Acute Bacterial Prostatitis (ABP)
- Chronic Bacterial Prostatitis (CBP)
- Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome (CPPS)
And if you think back to the cause of blue balls, it’s a build up of pressure and fluids during arousal that results in stagnation in the genital region when it’s not ejaculated OR integrated with practice.
If this happens repeatedly over time, it would make sense that it could contribute to an inflamed prostate. The guy I mentioned above fell into the 3rd category of Prostatitis. And for the record, this study interestingly shows that prostatitis is NOT linked with prostate cancer.
Let’s move on to the next important topic:
Dry Orgasm vs Retrograde Ejaculation
These are two common things that can happen for men that often get confused with a healthy semen retention practice. These are NOT experiences you want to try for… This section is just to tell you what’s out there, so you know what to avoid.
A retrograde ejaculation is a situation where the musculature in your pelvic floor is so tight (perhaps because of doing too many kegel exercises, or because you’re using the “million dollar point technique” demonstrated in the image above) that your semen actually cannot flow out of your penis during an ejaculation. Instead, it gets squeezed/pushed up into your bladder during the involuntary contractions of this orgasm.
You want to avoid this. And avoid the “million dollar point technique” too. Mantak Chia and his team of teachers all say to avoid this now too – even though they did originally teach it.
My opinion is that if you’re going to have an ejaculatory orgasm, you might as well experience the full spectrum of pleasure that comes with it (including the ejaculation itself). Having a retrograde ejaculation just causes more stagnation and tightness in the pelvic floor region, which is exactly what we want to avoid.
Learning how to have an orgasm without ejaculation is an entirely different thing.
And I do promise it’s possible (even if you’re someone who struggles with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction). I’ve personally overcome both of those things, learned how to have NEOs myself, and I’ve taught many men to do the same. You can do it too. It’ll just take time and serious dedicated practice.
A dry orgasm is a form of anejaculation, which is defined as a condition where you can’t ejaculate even though your penis is being stimulated. In most cases, this looks like an orgasm without any sperm leaving the penis.
Dry orgasms are most often experienced as a medical problem by men who actually want to ejaculate. This is NOT something I would try to do… because it involves the IMPROPER functioning of your sexual anatomy.
Common Critiques of Semen Retention
The idea of semen retention and the NoFap movement have drawn a bit of criticism. Understandably so too, because a lot of what people are saying about these practices is ridiculous. On youtube there are videos saying semen retention is the cure for EVERYTHING.
There are videos declaring if you retain your semen for hundreds of days, you’ll manifest millions of dollars. It’s absurd… So some of the criticism is valid, but much of it is actually fear and misunderstanding turned into projections. Let’s look at some examples:
“SEMEN RETENTION IS UNNATURAL”
This operates from the thought that “men are supposed to ejaculate when they get aroused.” If we think about the evolution of our ancestors, this argument does have merit. The safe context for arousal was probably MUCH more rare thousands of years ago, and so if/when the opportunity for sex presented itself, it would make sense to go for it and ejaculate as quickly as possible for the sake of perpetuating the species.
Today however, there are lots of examples for how our “natural” instincts and desires don’t serve us in the modern world. Back in the day it would have made sense to stuff ourselves full of food because we didn’t know when the next meal would come. Our body’s “natural” desire is to eat, eat, eat… especially sweet and fatty things.
Over TWO THIRDS of the population of the United States of America is either obese or overweight… This is a mismatch in “natural” desire and our current context of reality. Evolution hasn’t caught up yet.
Similarly, sexual stimuli is EVERYWHERE in society today. ONE THIRD of the entire internet is pornography. Sex is used in advertising constantly, and bikini dancing videos go viral on Tiktok and Instagram every day. Video games, movies, TV shows, music and even cartoons all have sexualized characters that stimulate our sexual response systems that are many tens of thousands of years old.
If we ejaculated every time sexual arousal happened, we wouldn’t have time to do anything else.
For more on this, jump up to the section on hacking evolution through semen retention.
“IT MAKES MEN SACRIFICE PLEASURE”
This can definitely feel true in the beginning, but I’m here to say that my sex life has become exponentially more pleasurable since I started practicing semen retention. I’ve learned how to have orgasms without ejaculating, I’ve learned how to spread sexual pleasure through my entire body…
And because of the increased confidence, motivation and drive I’ve gotten from semen retention, I’ve been able to initiate multiple amazing threesomes, and act out sexual fantasies I had only dreamed of back when I was addicted to porn.
The typical 7-second ejaculatory orgasm pales in comparison to all of the other amazing pleasures you can experience in sex.
“IT CAUSES PROSTATE CANCER”
This simply is not true. Last year I posted on my personal Facebook account about semen retention, and a very intelligent man commented on my post saying semen retention causes prostate cancer. We then got into a debate (it was short-lived because I was able to clearly explain and link to the research on the topic).
Where did he get this idea? From a study that shows a correlation between ejaculation frequency and prostate cancer. That study didn’t control for other important variables, and you can read more about it if you scroll up just a bit to the “Dangers” section of this article.
“IT DAMAGES RELATIONSHIPS”
This one can be true, specifically if the man becomes so focused on not ejaculating that he isn’t able to be present for the sexual experience with his lover(s). Additionally, there are lots of benefits to sharing an ejaculatory orgasm with a lover. If a man never ejaculates with his partner, they’re missing out on an incredibly beautiful sexual experience that could bring them closer and deepen their relationship.
“IT STILL CENTRALIZES THE FOCUS ON EJACULATION”
I get emails or DMs on my Instagram every week from men around the world saying things like “Taylor I’ve been retaining for 200 days but I can’t seem to find the relationship I want! What’s wrong?” Or “Taylor I’ve retained for 90 days but I still have back pain! Why?”
Semen retention is NOT the answer for everything… And somehow lots of guys get it in their heads that all they need to do to improve their life is to not ejaculate for an extended period of time. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
If you take one thing from this article, let it be this: semen retention is a lifestyle practice that involves MUCH more than just not ejaculating.
Where to Go From Here? (Resources)
To get real benefits from this practice you have to actually do it. On that note, I’m glad you’re here in this section. I hope this guide has been helpful so far, and I hope that you’re inspired enough to want to take action.
SEMEN RETENTION TRAININGS:
After you complete either one of the above, the Semen Retention Mastery journey is a powerful choice for any man who is ready to build their life force and use it to take action to create the life they want. It’s a 21-day in-depth training that takes you deep.
SEXUAL MASTERY TRAININGS:
If you want to last longer in bed and learn how to control your ejaculatory reflex, my Free Ejaculation Control Guide is a great place to start.
And if you want to completely transform and become the best lover you can possibly be, the Orgasmic Mastery Course is the journey for you.
ADDITIONAL COURSES & RESOURCES:
- Unlocking the Root: The Ultimate Course on Anal Sex
- Ecstatic Lovers Course for Couples
- My Podcast: Sex Upgraded
- My Youtube Channel
- My Instagram
And please know that it IS possible for you to create the sex life you want. I went from struggling with premature ejaculation, porn-induced erectile dysfunction, low sexual confidence, low self-worth and more… to being in an amazing relationship and thriving sexually. If I can do it, you can do it too.
My mission is to help you. Thanks for being here brother. Let me know how I can help.