Learning how to last longer in bed doesn’t have to be a long and tedious process that only brings results after months of practice. There are simple techniques you can use to improve your sex life tonight. No medical treatment required.
Right now I’m going to share a simple and powerful technique with you that’s not talked about very much. It doesn’t involve kegel exercises, any squeeze technique, or your pelvic floor muscles at all. It’s not flashy or “advanced” like the micro-cosmic orbit. But it WILL help you.
And it’s extremely important to understand why it works – if you want to have sex without ejaculating quickly.
Ready? Let’s get into it.
Here’s the Technique:
Once you start having penetrative sex with your partner, MOVE SLOWLY for the first 10 minutes of sex.
Do NOT start pumping in and out.
Ease in, take your time, and breathe.
How slow? However slow you need to go to make sure you don’t go over the edge of ejaculation. For some people, this might mean barely moving at all, and for others, it might mean thrusting in a gentle way.
Because ejaculation (or avoiding ejaculation) is often the focus of sex.
And when you use this technique, you are telling your body/brain/mind that ejaculation is not the goal.
It’s actually that simple.
Somewhere around the ten-minute mark, your body begins to understand this and your whole system will relax. Ease will come over your body – almost like a switch has been flipped in your system that allows for a completely different love-making experience.
Once your body realizes that ejaculation is not the goal, it becomes much easier to do whatever you want during the sexual experience without having to worry about ejaculating early.
Refining the Technique
Instead of being focussed on typical thrusting and the sensations in your genitals, try focusing on breathing deeply and connecting with your partner. How do your shoulders feel? Your lower back?
Try looking into your partner’s eyes. Try appreciating their smell. Try synchronizing your beathing with your partner, and just taking in their beauty.
I keep talking about breathing… because it’s important.
Pay special attention to the quality of your breathing. Focus your attention on breathing full, deep inhales and exhales. I suggest trying to make some sounds of pleasure on your exhales too.
This allows for the sexual build-up in your genitals to move throughout your entire body. This calms your mind too, which will allow you to relax more easily into a state of pleasure. (Hint: relaxation helps you avoid premature ejaculation).
Do you really need to go for 10 minutes?
Maybe. The 10-minute mark might actually be 8 or 15-minutes for you. 10 minutes is a good benchmark to shoot for – most guys will experience a deeper relaxation by that point.
Don’t get too hung up about the number itself though. Or even think that if you set a timer for yourself, and get past the 10 minute mark, you’re good to blast like a porn star.
You’ll know once your system has re-adjusted to the non-ejaculatory-focused sex. You’ll feel a shift in your body. It’s pretty wild when it happens…
A quick note before you implement this into your sex life. Having sex usually involves two people. It might be the case that your partner starts off hot & fiery while you are trying to take it slow. This can create a mismatch in tempo that can be awkward to discuss while already in the act of sex. I find it’s a lot better to get on the same page in advance so you both know what to expect (and what to stay away from).
That’s why I recommend having an open and honest conversation with your partner about everything sex-related, especially if you’ve never had sex together before. It’s something that I call ‘The better sex conversation’.
This conversation isn’t only relevant to this technique either. It covers a wide range of topics that once discussed, will make ALL of your sexual experiences a lot more enjoyable.
Other Techniques to Last Longer
Here’s something I’ve noticed again and again during my work as a sex coach for men. As men, we try to implement the advanced techniques without applying the foundations first.
You can do all sorts of sexual techniques like kegels, the micro-cosmic orbit, the big-draw, etc. But, if you start your sexual experience too fast and intense, none of these more advanced techniques will help.
You won’t be able to integrate the rapid sexual build-up of sexual pleasure that you are creating, and ejaculation will be imminent. This is where a lot of men go wrong in their journey of overcoming premature ejaculation.
Resources to check out:
Of course, there are more ways to prolong your love-making than the technique described here. Ranging from simple & quick tips to help you last longer to more advanced topics such as sexual energy transmutation and orgasms without ejaculation.
If you really want to go all the way, my Orgasmic Mastery Course covers each of these (and more) in-depth. With practical steps on how to overcome premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction for good. AND – how to get into the realms of multiple, non-ejaculatory orgasms.
Bringing the Technique into Practice
You might be thinking…
‘Hey, Taylor! Sounds like a nice approach but I generally blow before the ten-minute mark anyway. If I even get past 3 minutes, that’s like a marathon for me. What do you want me to do?’
Valid question, brother. Thank you for asking. If you normally don’t last for ten minutes in bed, this technique can still work for you. Just try entering your partner at the slowest speed possible (make sure to talk about this with your partner first), and then barely move. Or don’t move at all!
Focus on deep breathing and the connection with your partner. If you need to pull out of your partner to delay ejaculation, that is fine. You could pleasure your partner orally for example while you cool down, and then get into penetrative sex again.
Solo Practice Makes Perfect
The better option?
Create a new masturbation practice that will help prepare you to last longer during lovemaking. You might not guess it, but the way you masturbate can actually be one of the most common causes of premature ejaculation.
A great way to train yourself to be able to withstand higher levels of sexual pleasure is to masturbate with a fleshlight. This can make it feel a lot more like actual sex (at least in terms of genital stimulation).
I’m really not joking when I say that using a fleshlight can help overcome premature ejaculation. Plus it feels really f*cking good! I own one myself and I couldn’t be happier that I made the decision to get one and fully embrace my pleasure.
Why this Technique Helps You Last Longer in Bed
There are two common programs that many men need to rewire in their system when trying to cure their premature ejaculation. A biological one and a social one.
1. The Biological Program:
We come from millions of years of evolutionary biology that wired us for one thing:
We are biologically programmed to ejaculate quickly. Because from an evolutionary perspective, we’re more likely to procreate and perpetuate the species if we ejaculate quickly.
it’s really wouldn’t be that great for the proliferation of humanity as a species if men needed a minimum of 20 minutes to ejaculate. Think about it… Back in the day, if it took us 20 minutes to procreate, we would be more vulnerable to attacks during that time. We’d have less time to find food & water, and it wouldn’t be that efficient when the main goal was survival. You get the idea.
Fun but relevant fact: Bonobo’s, with whom we share more than 98% of our DNA, actually only last for 13 seconds on average. One could say that evolutionary-based ejaculation is a better term than premature ejaculation.
So, if you think that you ejaculate prematurely, in the grand scheme of things, you’re at the top of your game. Evolutionarily you are actually way ahead of those guys that need a lot of time to come to the same results. Congratulations!
From this perspective, it makes more sense to finish quickly.
With this understanding, we can take action to last longer and create the sexual experiences we want.
We just need to have compassion for ourselves in the process, because we are literally going against hundreds of thousands of years of evolutionary programming.
2. The Social Cause
- Fact 1: Humans are social beings.
- Fact 2: We learn social behavior by watching how other humans behave in certain situations.
- Fact 3: The great majority of men in western society watch (and learn from) porn.
See where I am going with this?
The technique of going slow goes against a lot of the programming we’ve received about sex through porn. Nowhere in mainstream pornography do you see a man entering a woman and then going slowly. It’s always bang bang bang. Nowhere in porn do you see a man gazing into their lover’s eyes in deep connection.
Because of the lack of sex ed in our society, porn has become the main source of sexual education and inspiration for many men. And even though we rationally understand that what we see in porn is fantasy (and it’s not real), it does leave an imprint on our system that we might not even be aware of.
Hyperfocus on Ejaculation in Porn
Most porn that contains men is hyper-focussed on the act of ejaculation. Cumshot compilations are the epitome of this extreme. When we watch this over and over and over again, we’re creating pathways of belief in our brain that say “ejaculation is the main goal of sex.”
And you better believe this impacts you when you actually have sex with another person.
‘Where attention goes, energy flows.’
Most Porn is Just Mindless Pounding…
Many of the things we see in porn are the exact opposite of what healthy and enjoyable sex looks like most people. It’s common to see male porn actors start pounding away in high intensity immediately after penetrating their partner.
This is FAR from the ideal way most women would like to be penetrated. When men try to replicate this, it usually results to disconnection and premature ejaculation.
Remember that porn stars are actors.
Don’t believe me? Check out my interview on Porn VS Reality with a male porn star who has 20-years of experience. He estimates that he has had sex with over 5000 women. In our interview, he talks about how he had to learn how to detach his emotions from the sexual experience in order to be able to perform in porn.
This is NOT what you want to do in real life.
So what do we do?
The exact opposite of what we are being shown in porn. Slow down. Focus on breath, presence, play and the connection with your partner. Don’t focus on getting to ejaculation, or getting to any kind of orgasm at all.
Just enjoy the journey in a relaxed way.
One Time When I Applied this Technique…
To paint a real-life picture for you… I’ll share an experience I had in Thailand, where I had to apply this sexual technique with a woman because it had been a long time since I previously had sex.
As things started to heat up and penetrative sex began, I slowed down my breathing and tempo, and focused on the connection with my partner. I even switched between penetrative sex and pleasuring her orally a couple of times to take off the heat.
Because I applied this technique, somewhere around the 10-minute mark, something inside of me changed. I was able to relax into the experience and let my sexual energy flow more freely. I stopped trying to avoid ejaculation, because I didn’t have to.
We naturally flowed into a more animalistic style of sex that included biting, grabbing, and all kinds of wild sexual goodness. We went back and forth between slow/sensual lovemaking, and primal animalistic fucking, for a long time. It was delicious.
I would have missed out on all of this if I had ejaculated quickly in the beginning. And this is what used to happen to me. I would get excited, overwhelmed, and then ejaculate. Little did I know that there was another entire universe of pleasure waiting for me. I just had to make it through this threshold.
Try it For Yourself
Lasting longer in bed is great! But you know what’s even better? Lasting for as long as you want AND having multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms that invigorate your whole system – instead of leaving you drained.
Sounds like a fantasy? Don’t believe this is possible? Check out my podcast episode where I talk about the first time I had a Tantric Orgasm.
And for reference, if you don’t know…
I used to suffer from premature ejaculation when I was younger. Intensely. It made me feel insecure, unmotivated, uninspired and ashamed of my sexuality and manhood. I even avoided women because I was afraid of eventually being the guy that would ejaculate too quickly.
Today, after spending many years of my life and literally over $60,000 studying sex, intimacy, tantra, relationship dynamics and more, all around the world… I’m a full time sex coach for men.
I spend every work day helping men improve sex lives. So if you want help in this department, let me know. If you want to overcome premature ejaculation for good, and unlock the realms of non-ejaculatory orgasm, check out my upcoming Orgasmic Mastery Course. It’s open for enrollment right now, and hundreds of men have gone through and have gotten great results.
And if you’re curious…
Here’s the original video that inspired this article: