Apparently some people think I believe men shouldn’t ejaculate. This couldn’t be further from the truth, and I’d like to set the record straight.

I am pro-ejaculation, pro-pleasure and pro-orgasm. I simply believe that these things are MUCH better when done with intention.

Being intentional with your ejaculation means proactively choosing to ejaculate – instead of passively defaulting to the standard pattern of sex and pleasure that society has given us. Sometimes this means choosing NOT to ejaculate because you understand the ramifications of what will happen if you do.

And this practice is worth it.

When I suggest that men go a period of time without ejaculating, it’s specifically because I want us to get out of the habituated patterns around sex that we as men are susceptible to. I want us to feel the charge in our body/mind/spirit that comes from being intentional with our sexuality. I want us to discover and step into a different sexual reality that is far more pleasurable and orgasm-filled than anything I thought was possible.

This requires some reprogramming… and again… it’s worth it.

 

Redefining Pleasure

For lots of people (including my younger self), ejaculation IS pleasure… and pleasure without ejaculation is basically a foreign language.

Ejaculation is the whole point of sex…

But it only lasts about 7 seconds…

Which doesn’t leave much room for the orgasmic pleasure that’s available to us in the 99% of sex that ISN’T “orgasm.”

These coveted 7 seconds are so important that men get angry if they don’t have an ejaculation, and many women feel ashamed or worry they did something wrong if their man doesn’t have an ejaculation.

E V E R Y T H I N G revolves around ejaculation.

And I understand.

I really do…

I used to get angry if I didn’t ejaculate in a sexual experience. It’s the woman’s responsibility to provide this for a man… right? I did think that at one point…

I remember one time years ago when a woman went down on me and didn’t bring me to orgasm… I got mad and said something like “what the hell’s the point if you’re not gonna make me c*m?!”

Ouch.

And… How was I supposed to know differently?

 

The Unfortunate Reality of Sex Ed Today

The main source of sex ed for most of us is porn, and the entire point of almost every porn video is to reach the “peak moment” of male satisfaction… The peak moment that is visually portrayed as the most gratifying and meaningful experience for everyone involved – whether or not there is ANY depth of presence or connection between the people on camera.

Sure porn “isn’t real,” but if you watch enough of it, it does begin to rewire how your brain approaches sex… because science.

Mainstream media doesn’t help either…

Think about any sex scene in any movie or TV show… They’re almost all filmed with short, intense scenes of a build-up of tension and pleasure that crescendos into an explosive release of orgasmic pleasure that brings the entire scene to a close… Fade out… move on to the next scene… Eat a sandwich… etc…

Rare is the sex scene that focuses on meaningful connection, and even more rare is the sex scene that shows any amount of sustained orgasmic pleasure.

Public school sex ed is a joke too (or at least it was for me). The main message I received from it was that if I had sex with a woman, we’d most likely get AIDS and/or get pregnant. So don’t. Just don’t. Full stop.

Some people still think this kind of “education” is a good idea.

Combine all of this with a society that shames and demonizes every expression of sex (unless it’s used to advertise and sell us stuff)… Combine all of this with a society that teaches men to “man up” and not talk about anything vulnerable… Combine all of this with how good sex feels and how much we all want it, and you’ll get the current state of our sexual society – which isn’t surprising at all.

The good news is that we have a choice. We can choose something better. We can choose something much more fulfilling and pleasurable than we may have ever imagined.

 

Here’s a Question for You…

Imagine your life right now… all the years you’ve lived up until this point…

Imagine you’ve gone all these years without ever tasting or even knowing about chocolate… Would you want to? Would you want the experience of rich chocolate melting in your mouth? Or would you rather not know that something else amazing was possible..?

(And what I’m talking about is waaay better than chocolate ever could be).

Let’s examine the typical narrative…

When a man and woman have sex, there’s generally an expectation that ejaculation will occur, and this expectation has an impact on the experience. Maybe he’s afraid of ejaculating too quickly, or not being able to at all. Maybe she’s concerned that she won’t be able to fully embody her pleasure because she’ll push him over the edge, or maybe she’s concerned that he’s so caught up in worrying about ejaculating that he won’t be present with her at all.

One way or the other, ejaculation will happen, and once it does, sex will be over.

To switch things up…

 

When Two Women Make Love…

Here’s a story from a female friend of mine:

“The first time I was with another woman changed my sex life forever. I had no idea what I was missing. It blew my heart and mind wide open – more than any sexual experience I’ve ever had with a man. It was incredible. We made love for hours, riding the waves of orgasm together… again and again and again. There was no worry about her “finishing” and being done. She didn’t disappear after orgasm. She was there, with me, the entire time. There was just presence, love, sex, pleasure and orgasm, over and over again.”

Do you want to guess how many times I’ve heard a story like this?

While it is true that women can have peak orgasms and a refractory period that follows…

Women DO have much easier access to a DIFFERENT KIND OF ORGASM that unfolds like a blossoming flower… An orgasm that swells and crashes like the ocean waves at high tide… over and over again in a timeless dance of complete ecstasy and surrender…

This is the kind of experience that brings tears of joy. This is the kind of experience that brings revelations. This is the kind of experience where you lose yourself and find yourself at the same time, and the Self you find is bigger than any self you may have experienced before.

This is real, and it is available to YOU.

Men can experience this too.

And once you do, you won’t forget it. You can’t unsee this.

 

The Magical Realm of Multiple Orgasms

Even if you don’t go back to that place for years, it’ll be in your mind and heart forever. Not because you gained or achieved something new that you have to hold on to… but because you’ve opened yourself to a current of life that has wanted to flow through you for a long time…

And now it’s flowing.

Sounds beautiful I know… and it is… and if you haven’t experienced this, you’re probably wondering how to get there.

The great irony is that by trying to get there…

You won’t.

You access this place by being so immersed in pleasure and connection, that a new door appears in the linear hallway of sex you’ve walked down thousands of times before. This door has been there every time, you just haven’t seen it before because you didn’t know to look for it.

You have to actively CHOOSE to step out of the linear goal-focused path of sex and go through that door…

You have to let go of any goal of orgasm.

And yes this can be challenging, because the linear path is so well known, and it’s easy to default to the same physical sexual patterns… Do this thing here, flip them over here, bite here, lick here, escalate, insert, proceed as usual, orgasm, end, move on to the next thing in life.

Stepping out of this hallway requires effort.

Stepping through this door almost always requires saying no to the ejaculatory urge (at least for some extended period of time).

It always requires saying yes to pleasure.

Yes to breath.

Yes to connection.

Yes to full immersion in the moment.

And once you do step through that door, you’ll realize the path and door were just illusions. The illusion will lift like a clearing fog and you’ll see that you’re actually in the middle of the lushest and most life-giving landscape of pleasure you could possibly imagine… pleasure everywhere… in every direction… time stands still… ocean waves of orgasmic ambrosia come in, and they swirl through every cell in your body… merging with your entire being.

Going “backwards” on the path doesn’t mean “back” anymore… it just means a new direction of pleasure to explore.

Going “forwards” ceases to exist as a concept.

From this place, you can choose to have an ejaculatory orgasm… And if you do, enjoy it! Celebrate it! Relish and savor the magic of the experience!

You’ll probably find though, that you don’t want to.

In this space, you might find that ejaculation feels like a knock on your bedroom door when you’re asleep in one of the most beautiful dreams you’ve ever had. You won’t want to wake up.

And in this space, you won’t have to… because you’re not asleep.

This is a space of aliveness. Full awareness. This is a space of presence and pleasure, where everything is sacred.

You can kiss, savor, bite, spank, cry, choke, tickle, stay still, slap, restrain, receive, breathe…

You can role-play, embody your wild animal self, tie each other up, explore the transpersonal realms, and know what it’s like to be Life making love with Life.

Presence. Love. Pleasure. Embodiment.

This space can last for 3 minutes or 3 hours.

Then what…?

 

Should You Ejaculate?

If you don’t ejaculate, you can take this energy with you and put it into anything you want. If you do ejaculate, then you can still take energy with you, but it will be fundamentally different.

Both options are beautiful – when chosen with intention and awareness.

My position on this has evolved over time… and right now I see ejaculation as an incredibly beautiful and sacred thing… It’s as beautiful and sacred as NOT ejaculating. The ease, release and connection that can come from an ejaculatory orgasm is pure magic.

HOWEVER, if ejaculation is the only thing we know, we’re selling ourselves and our partners short.

Get out of the default. Break the pattern.

There’s an entire iceberg under what we see as just the tip.

I had to fit that in there… 

The last seed I want to plant is this:

 

Semen Retention Will Supercharge Your Life

When a guy goes for an extended period of time without ejaculating, he experiences cognitive shifts, changes in his feelings of vitality, life purpose, motivation and confidence. His presence changes, and people can feel it.

When a guy does this in combination with a regular somatic practice like yoga or qigong (or any embodiment practice that combines movement with deeper internal awareness), these shifts will be positive, and they’ll feel amazing. The extra charge that comes from doing so will be integrated into the body in a potent way… and it can feel like getting the gold star in Super Mario Brothers – except it lasts for days instead of 10 seconds.

You can’t intellectualize this. You just have to feel it.

It’ll change how you walk in the world.

Sex is more than just sex.

-Taylor

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