Have you ever ejaculated before you wanted to?
Most guys have. You’re not alone.
There are lots of techniques out there to last longer in bed, and in this article I’ll share 5 of the easiest ones you can start using today.
Let’s get to it!
1. Empty your bladder before sex.
If you’re about to have sex, try to pee first. This can relieve pressure in your genital region, and that relief of pressure can help lessen the “need” to ejaculate.
If you feel yourself getting close to the point of no return (about to ejaculate) during sex, try to notice if your bladder is full. It’s okay to pause during sex to take pee break. A pee break will give you some time to cool off, and it’ll relieve the pressure in your bladder.
2. Breathe deeply, starting right now.
Generally, we breathe quicker and more shallow breaths during sex. Quick & shallow breathing can create tension that pushes you towards ejaculation.
Have you ever paid attention to your breath in the moments leading up to an ejaculation? Check it out… see what happens. Notice any tension in your breath and any tension in your body…
Breathing deeply reduces tension in your body, and this reduction of tension will help to spread pleasure through your entire body and help you stay away from ejaculation.
Extra points if you breathe into your lower belly instead of your upper chest.
I say “starting right now” because how you do one thing is how you do everything. I recommend that you practice deep breathing throughout your entire day. If you do, you will 1: be more easeful and present in general, 2: more likely to remember to breathe deeply during sex because you’ve developed a breath practice, and 3: you’ll be less likely to ejaculate quickly because there’ll be less tension in your body in general.
3. Make noise during sex. Use your voice!
Moan, grunt, growl and sigh! Express your pleasure through your voice. Give your pleasure into the world through your voice – rather than out of your cock. Seriously.
Being expressive with your voice during sex can help move your sexual pleasure throughout your entire body (instead of keeping it localized to your cock) and it can help to reduce tension too. Why do you think so many workshop leaders ask participants to take a deep breath in and sigh on the exhale?
Note: a common complaint of women is that their men don’t make any noise during sex. I’ve heard variations of this statement many times:
“When we’re making love he’s usually silent, and I don’t know if he’s enjoying himself or not, and then all of a sudden he cums and it’s over!”
Being expressive with your voice will likely create more connection between you and your partner too. Greater connection means you’re focusing less on your own bodily sensations (and hyper-focusing on the pleasure in your cock), which leads to technique #4…
4. Focus on your partner during sex.
What do you love about them? What do you love about their body? How can you touch them with your hands in a way that is pleasurable Shift your focus away from your own genital pleasure.
The last thing you want to do during sex is worry about whether or not you’re going to ejaculate. This internal hyperfocus ironically makes it more likely that you will ejaculate (or will make it challenging to get hard in the first place because of performance anxiety).
Make a practice of noticing things about your partner that you love. Maybe their eyes are gorgeous? Maybe their ass is delicious? Maybe you love their moans? Maybe you love how present they are with you?
Try running your hands and fingertips over their body, through thier hair, over their lips…
How can you add more pleasure to their experience in a way that doesn’t directly involve your cock? In doing so, you’ll likely experience more pleasure yourself!
5. Go really slow for the first 15 minutes.
There’s a threshold that happens in sex for many men somewhere around the 15-minute mark. Once you pass this threshold, your body’s physical urge to ejaculate will decrease.
When you begin penetrative sex, don’t rush into banging like a porn star.
Take your time. Move slowly. Warm up. Most women need some warming up too. This makes logical sense if you think about it… NBA players don’t start basketball games without stretching and warming up. If they went right into full-on action mode, their chances of injury would skyrocket.
Once you get “warmed up” during sex, it’ll be much easier for you to “perform” at your peak ability.
Consider this too:
How long do you masturbate for? I would guess it’s nowhere near 15 minutes. If you regularly masturbate for 5 minutes or less before ejaculating, you are training your body’s sexual response cycle to be really, really short. Once you surpass the timeframe of your regular sexual response cycle, you’ll be in new territory, and your brain will be open to new programming.
If you were reading closely, you probably realized that almost every “technique” in the article above involved the reduction of tension in the body. Tension is one of the main things that leads to premature ejaculation… Tension in your genitals, tension in your entire body, and even tension in your mind & heart.
What steps can you take in your life to reduce tension overall?